an unexpected gift

as a parent, i question myself, my decisions, my motives, my words, my thoughts, everything. i tend to beat myself down, with the..i could have done that better, i shouldn't have said that, i could have done more today..i didn't love enough, i tend to focus on my failures of the day, instead of the good that came out of it.

i went on my Brennan's 3rd grade field trip, even though my body still in pain, was telling me to stay at home. but i couldn't do that to Brennan, i tend to back down on things a little easier with him, because i know he can handle it, he's the oldest, the most understanding, but on this day i knew how much me going on the bus and being apart of his field trip had meant to him, so i decided to suck up the pain and go.

Brennan's teacher gave me the greatest gift of all, she reminded me that i'm doing a pretty good job, and by I, i'm speaking for us, me and benji, she said one of the most powerful things i think a parent could hear, when after years of trying to decide the best path for your kids, and making a choice to send them to a school, where most Christians, run and flee from...the public school. she told me, what a positive influence Brennan has on the class. that in fact he has made such a difference in one boys life, helping him with the confidence this little boy needed to believe in himself. as she was saying these words, i had to fight my emotional self, from breaking down into tears..i didn't want her to think she's was dealing with a complete nut. i was amazed that a 9 year old boy could make such a difference, by him choosing to do right, the power it has on those around him.

i know the credit is really all on Brennan, but when your child does these things, it's a reminder that we must be doing something right,our words, our actions, our choices. it was like God used brennan's teacher to remind us, that He's proud of us, and to be proud of Brennan, and the way we are raising him. sometimes with all the doubts, and insecurities of being a parent, a gift like this is well needed.