for my gifts, i call family

I sit in my house with the mixture of christmas music, and kids playing. does it get much better then this? I just feel so blessed, for so many reasons. a warm house that is filled with much more then decorations, much more then furniture, much more then the things we tend to think we need so much, that eventually just becomes stuff, and then we think of more stuff we need. I have so much more, then I ever could have imagined. I'm one lucky, blessed, loved girl, I guess being 31 maybe I should consider myself a women, but i like girl better. I still feel like a girl, just this girl is living a dream, no longer dreaming, like i used to, I'm not saying i don't still dream of that perfect house, on that acre of land, with all the perfect character i know it will be. but right now, i'm perfectly content in what i have. i have an amazing husband, he's my best friend, the love of my life, he's hardworking, real, and the most loving husband, and father. He's content in what he has, and happy with who he is, and i love him more for that. He's never jumped from idea to idea, we've been all he needs and he shows us that everyday, by working hard and providing for our every need. He doesn't need to get away, (like I often feel), he doesn't need other hobbies to escape to, i'm so lucky that I have a man, who is content being my husband, and a father. He doesn't have a fancy title, own a huge corporation, but I can tell you his kids think he's the best, he loves them in everything he does, he's not to proud to say sorry, he's not to manly to cuddle with his 11 year old son, and give kisses right on the mouth to his boys. He spends time with his kids, playing, laughing joking, being just what they need. I love him for it. I am blessed, I have amazing kids, yes at times, it's hard, overwhelming, emotionally draining, but those days are so little, compared to the great ones. The great ones let you get past those "hard" days. the joy in this house is strong, i have happy kids, i have loved kids, i have kids that are thoughtful, and caring, goofy, and silly, they are stubborn (like their father haha) they are beautiful in each their own way. 5 kids, some days i'm still shocked i have 5 kids, we're just us, a family. people ask me all the time, you have 5 kids, how do you do it, I'll let you in on a few of my secrets, first I never think of my kids being that "big" number 5, i think how truly blessed I am to have 5 kids, we live, we enjoy what God has given us. my house is never clean, just something i had to let go of so many many years ago, and honestly i don't care, we live in this house, it's not a showcase of stuff, it's filled with people who make messes, it's covered in toys, that says, yes we play here, we don't spend our time cleaning and making it presentable for others, (we're not dirty, we're just here). I don't live by a schedule, we have some in our lives, but it can be thrown out for any reason to give what ever is needed at the time, a cuddle on the couch, a story read, a game played, a dance party can happen at my house at any given moment, we stop, we take steps back, when needed, we live for what's in these walls, our family. right now that is where i am at, my family, the calling God has put on my life. the greatest gifts I could ever receive, so with Christmas coming up, and gifts are getting ready to be exchanged, God thank you for these 6 gifts, and so many more you have already given me, and thank you for being the greatest gift of all, with out you, I would have nothing.

reminding myself

I've been having these moments, where I feel like something bad is going to happen, fear gets in, and my thoughts take over. What if it's my Dad, pray for him, what if it's my sister, pray for her, what if it's Benji, or dear God don't let it be Benji, pray for him, what if something bad is happening at School today and my kids are hurt, oh God send your Angels, protect them, pray for them, What if I lose my friend, what if I'm sick, what if..., it's a scary feeling thinking about what could happen, or what pain I couldn't handle, or what loss could be, I got on my knee's and prayed the fear came so strong, and God reminded me once again, He's not in the What IF's, He's in the What IS. I can't let my mind wonder into what is not real, or what may not even happen, or is just a plain made up story stuck inside my own head, carrying my darkest fears. God works in the What is, He doesn't live in the what if's, He will carry me through what ever he puts in front of me, even if it might be pain, He will bless me, and he's watching over me, and I can't let myself lose sight of what is, on the what if's. I can't lose sleep thinking about what I can not change, what I think I won't be able to handle. God only gives us what we can handle, and not excepting what He's put in front of us, is an insult to His Character, of what He is trying to do for us and in us. Yes there are those very painful times that we don't understand, but I've always been able to look back and see the power of His goodness in that time. Even when I lost a baby, I see how God used those steps to strengthen me, to lead me, to give me, God works through everything, and He works in the What is. So I'm not going to waste time letting fear get in, no, I'm going to pray that when that fear comes in, God gives me peace, to know that He is right now. And I only have to trust in Him. He is bigger then I can see, and only He knows what tomorrow brings, so right now what is, is good, and I will thank and praise for what I know right now, and what is to come, no matter what, He is still good, and still in everything, I'm always believing for good, even during the trials, the pain, good always over comes. and that is what always will be.

I Love Christmas, I love the crafts, projects, decorating, celebrating, shopping, giving, spending time with family, Christmas parties, oh i could go on and on, there is so much! and it's raining Christmas in my house!!! our tree's up, some of the decorations, lights on the house, I just feel so excited this year, maybe it's because my kids are getting older, and can really enjoy things, they are so excited to helping with lots of things.

check this cute wreath i made all by myself, i don't usually like the old style of wreaths, but have always wanted on, so this simple, cutesy wreath is just perfect for me.


we hung ornaments in the windows, which i love!! thanks better homes and garden magazine, for such a cute simple idea.


got our stockings up, we don't have a fireplace, so we make the front window "do"



We made a countdown out of Christmas socks, with little treats in them for each day, starting Dec. 1st, plus there are 5 different socks so the kids will get new socks too, they are very excited.



My favorite thing out of all of this, is decorating the Christmas tree, every ornament is a special treasure to me. we have our first Christmas together, our babies first Christmas, with each year, we let our kids add a christmas ornament to the tree, picking out what they love at the age, or making something by hand, so as I unwrap every ornament, it brings me back, it tells our story, from being a newly married couple, to having 5 beautiful kids, My tree is a time capsule for me, yes sometimes I cringed as my boys pick out darth vador for the tree, but now looking back I remember how in love with darth vador Hayden was at 4, and it brings me back, it tells our story, so from far away my tree can look like a mess, but each branch holds a piece of my heart, and one day as my kids marry and get a tree of there own, I'll let them take some of their ornaments to decorate their very own tree. this is my favorite tradition we started when Brennan was the little guy.

Brennan, Leighton and Ashlyn made their own this year


Here's some of my favorite ornaments my kids have picked out, or over the years have special meaning to me, for what they represent, what they speak to only me.




and to make this day even better my new rug came today, and I love it!! and the kids loved it more, they played on it like it was they best toy in the world, they all want to sleep on it tonight, i love kids! they really know how to enjoy the everything.


here's what it looks like with no kids, it's a little unsettled still from being brand new.


let the countdown begin!

I found this today, a reminder that you can still have fun with Christmas, but to never forget the true meaning of Christmas, Jesus! Why we have all those decorations, and what they represent, why we need to make sure we don't forget and to teach our kids what it's really about. In our house we have a little fun, Santa brings the gifts, but on each of the presents, they come from Jesus, on each gift tag, we write FROM: Jesus. A tradition my mom started when we were young. Jesus always gives, and still God gives us everything we have. every Toy, every want, every need you have comes from Him, but to never forget, the greatest gift of all, that He sent his only son as a baby, to fulfill the greatest gift we will ever receive, to die for our sins. Christmas is a reminder, a day we should never forget, a promise, that we would be saved, that the Lamb of God came to take the sins of the world, so we could live forever, free, unbroken, made perfect through Him.

Read this below, author unknown, but a reminder of why we do what we do in the Christmas season


Late one Christmas Eve, I sank back, tired but content, into my easy chair. The kids were in bed, the gifts were wrapped, the milk and cookies waited by the fireplace for Santa. As I sat back admiring the tree with its decorations, I couldn't help feeling that something important was missing. It wasn't long before the tiny twinkling tree lights lulled me to sleep.

I don't know how long I slept, but all of a sudden I knew that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes, and you can imagine my surprise when I saw Santa Claus himself standing next to my Christmas tree. He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot just as the poem described him, but he was not the "jolly old elf" of Christmas legend. The man who stood before me looked sad and disappointed, and there were tears in his eyes.

"Santa, what's wrong?" I asked, "Why are you crying?"

"It's the children," Santa replied sadly.

"But Santa, the children love you," I said.

"Oh, I know they love me, and they love the gifts I bring them," Santa said, "but the children of today seem to have somehow missed out on the true spirit of Christmas. It's not their fault. It's just that the adults, many of them not having been taught themselves, have forgotten to teach the children."

"Teach them what?" I asked.

Santa's kind old face became soft, more gentle. His eyes began to shine with something more than tears. He spoke softly. "Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas. Teach them that the part of Christmas we can see, hear, and touch is much more than meets the eye. Teach them the symbolism behind the customs and traditions of Christmas which we now observe. Teach them what it is they truly represent."

Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a tiny Christmas tree and set it on my mantle. "Teach them about the Christmas tree. Green is the second color of Christmas. The stately evergreen, with its unchanging color, represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus. Its needles point heavenward as a reminder that mankind's thoughts should turn heavenward as well."

Santa reached into his bag again and pulled out a shiny star and placed it at the top of the small tree. "The star was the heavenly sign of promise. God promised a Savior for the world and the star was the sign of the fulfillment of that promise on the night that Jesus Christ was born. Teach the children that God always fulfills His promises, and that wise men still seek Him."

"Red," said Santa, "is the first color of Christmas." He pulled forth a red ornament for the tiny tree. "Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the color of the life-giving blood that flows through our veins. It is the symbol of God's greatest gift. Teach the children that Christ gave His life and shed His blood for them that they might have eternal life. When they see the color red, it should remind them of that most wonderful Gift."

Santa found a silver bell in his pack and placed it on the tree. "Just as lost sheep are guided to safety by the sound of the bell, it continues to ring today for all to be guided to the fold. Teach the children to follow the true Shepherd, who gave His life for the sheep."

Santa placed a candle on the mantle and lit it. The soft glow from its one tiny flame brightened the room. "The glow of the candle represents how people can show their thanks for the gift of God's Son that Christmas Eve long ago. Teach the children to follow in Christ's foot steps... to go about doing good. Teach them to let their light so shine before people that all may see it and glorify God. This is what is symbolized when the twinkling lights shine on the tree like hundreds of bright, shining candles, each of them representing one of God's precious children, their light shining for all to see."

Again Santa reached into his bag and this time he brought forth a tiny red and white striped cane. As he hung it on the tree he spoke softly. "The candy cane is a stick of hard white candy: white to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the Solid Rock the foundation of the church, and the firmness of God's promises. The candy cane is in the form of a 'J' to represent the precious name of Jesus, who came to earth. It also represents the Good Shepherd's crook, which He uses to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out the fallen lambs who, like all sheep, have gone astray. The original candy cane had three small red stripes, which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by which we are healed, and a large red stripe that represents the shed blood of Jesus, so that we can have the promise of eternal life."

"Teach these things to the children."

Santa brought out a beautiful wreath made of fresh, fragrant greenery tied with a bright red bow. "The bow reminds us of the bond of perfection, which is love. The wreath embodies all the good things about Christmas for those with eyes to see and hearts to understand. It contains the colors of red and green and the heaven-turned needles of the evergreen. The bow tells the story of good will towards all and its color reminds us of Christ's sacrifice. Even its very shape is symbolic, representing eternity and the eternal nature of Christ's love. It is a circle, without beginning and without end. These are the things you must teach the children."

I asked, "But where does that leave you, Santa?"

The tears gone now from his eyes, a smile broke over Santa's face. "Why bless you, my dear," he laughed, "I'm only a symbol myself. I represent the spirit of family fun and the joy of giving and receiving. If the children are taught these other things, there is no danger that I'll ever be forgotten."

"I think I'm beginning to understand."

"That's why I came," said Santa. "You're an adult. If you don't teach the children these things, then who will?"

(Author Unknown)

a birthday wish

Today is my sweet little Hayden's birthday, first I can't believe he is 7!! I mean where did the time go??? He once was a little baby wrapped so tight in my arms, a wobbly 1 year old, an on the go 2 year old, and he hasn't stopped since. I am in love with this boy, he's my cuddliest child, also the goofiest, he's sensitive and smart, and always is thinking of ways to make us smile, or amaze us. I am so proud of my little guy, I love 7, such a sweet age, still so innocent and in need of their mothers, yet becoming independent, with out stepping to far away. So I''m not going to do a lot of thinking back, or letting my mind wonder into the years to come, I'm just going to enjoy this perfect 7 year old, in all that he is, I know God has the rest covered, and has given me a time such as this.


Love you my little cuddle bugs.

for all the little steps, that lead to great moments

Sometimes in life you know that you know that God has shown up, taken your hand and guided you when you needed it most.

Most of you know my dream was to become a "real" photographer, to step out and do it on my own. The dream was all answered that night a special someone (she wishes to remain anonymous, wanting the glory to only go to God) came to my house with much to my surprise bought me my first real camera, saying that God had asked her to do so, speaking over me to do what is with in my heart.  I'll never forget that moment, no one had ever done anything like this for me before, and thinking back on that night, tears I can no longer hold back, we were in no position at the time to buy myself my own camera, and I'm not sure if we were, if I would have believed this was something I could really do. With her encouragement and God's words through her, the seed was planted and I began to believe. I hope she knows that I will never forget that night, I will never forget the words she said (well maybe some, because I was in complete shock and think I went into black out mode for a little bit), and the dream she awoken inside of of me.

I don't know how long it really took from that moment to really start acting on this dream, but for a while that is what is was a dream sitting on shelf with in my heart.

I remember stalking photographers websites, observing there work, wishing I could do something like that, I remember  pictures of my boys that spoke so strongly to my heart, that I thought I could do this. I just remember how my heart longed for it, like it was a God given thing inside of me, crying to get out, but my problem was, and sometimes still is, I believe in God, his work, his words, it's just hard for me to believe in myself, I get easily discouraged, I doubt myself...another reason sometimes I know this is what I'm suppose to do.

This all lead up to a moment on facebook, a question to, at the moment was a friend from the past, I had been her facebook friend for a while, but for some reason didn't know what she had done for a living, until one day she posted pics of her new studio, it was amazing, it lead me to stalk her work too, and her work was and still amazing!! She has the most God given talent I have ever seen. I think I told her how amazing her work was, and how I had hoped to become a photographer, I asked her if I should go back to school and what ways should I go about learning to become a photographer, I had no idea how to work my camera, no idea about shutter speak, and f stops, and all the lingo that I can grasp now. I never forget what she said, why don't I come and visit her, a few days with a real photographer I would learn way more then sitting in classes for semesters. I never would have thought she would say that, and that the plans would actually come to pass.

So off I went to Milwaulkee, to see this past friend, who now is one of my dearest friends in the whole world, the famous Christine Plamann (as my kids call her) not just because she has given me everything I needed to start this passion of mine, not just because she shares the same passion as me, not just because she's the one I go to for all my photography questions, but because she's the most amazing friend, selfless, caring, and true to who she is. I've visited her a couple of times, and I've grown close to her kids, that I love like my own, she has the most amazing husband that I consider a friend to, they will forever be the reason I am where I am today. I couldn't be where I am with out the words of encouragement, seeing past the amateur work I did (and am still working on), gifts that I can't even begin to name, because she has given me way to many, the education behind my work,  the hours of time she has invested into me, I always want her to know how grateful I am, how blessed I feel because of her! She is a gift from God.

I even got to take pics of her family, for her to teach me some new tricks about lighting, and I love the images



I love this family, like they are my own, I love that I see God in them, I see his words. My words will never be enough to tell them how much I appreciate everything they have done, but I pray that God will do more then enough for them.

So here I sit with this dream stronger then ever, but the only thing is it's awake, no longer sitting on a shelf inside my heart, it's active, alive, and on a mission. And all the glory goes to God!! With each step, each person He has chosen to speak, I sit here in awe of how He works, sometimes subtle, sometimes very clear, which ever way He chooses, I pray I hear and listen. I pray that I can give back the way I've been given, I pray that my work, my passion is in every one of my pictures, that in some little or even big way, a picture snapped, hung on a wall, displayed in all ways, points back to Him, and the beauty He has made in every moment.

raining with emotions

Blah, that is how I feel about today..

the rain didn't add to a much yucky feeling day, 

I don't have much to say, yet so much stuck inside, words are not here at the moment, soon the sun will shine again, and I will to, it's not just the rain, so much more, but this gloomy day doesn't help with this gloomy mood

So tomorrow, Is another day, here's to a good nights rest, and a better me tomorrow 

just another day

Today started out as most of my days, waking up, grabbing that much needed cup of coffee, dragging kids out of bed, still trying to focus my eyes, as I hear the demands of breakfast orders, "I want cinnamon roll crunch" "I want oatmeal", "I want krispies", making lunches, another demanding ordeal. Getting the kids dressed, finding socks that match, looking for that lost shoe, that seems to some how disappear every morning, changing a diaper of yes a 3 year old that should be potty trained, signing folders for school, getting backpacks ready, slipping upstairs to throw a few drops of make-up on this tired face, hoping that people don't see how exhausted I truly feel. I am not morning person at all! Then trying to get 5 kids out the door, 4 off to school, first driving Brennan off to his big boy school as we call it, then making it to the little ones school, a kiss, a hug, an I love you, and 4 of them are off, my day has just begun and it's 8:45 in the morning...

So I come home to a peaceful house, is it bad that I enjoy it, just me and Ashlyn, so simple, yes I miss the kids, but boy they wore me out! I love having the time with just her, but hate that I miss out on enjoying the other kids, but maybe it's her time, she's shared me with them for 3 years, even though most days it still seems to be about her, she's the baby after all. I think she misses them too, playing with a bear all day







I however do not enjoy the fit throwing that she did, because her bear wasn't swinging the way she wanted it to



till we decided to let her swing with the bear, and mommy push



And I just love her little dirty feet hanging from the swing,



it didn't seem like it, but after a day of running to the bank, to the store, coming home doing a few things around the house, playing with Ashlyn and her friend bear, it was time to get the kids. how the peaceful day flies by!

dinner, house viewing, night baths, snack, bedtime, and here I sit, tired, ready to relax...goodnight to another day.

Letters to God

We watched a movie this weekend as a family, called Letters to God, if you haven't seen it I highly recommend it, It's based on a true story, about a boy who is dying of cancer, who touches the lives around him with the letters he writes to God. I wasn't sure how my little ones would like it or even grasp it, but they have asked to watch it over and over again. This movie touched me so much, bringing truth about how our lives effect those around us, and sometimes a bad situation is used for the greatest purpose. The movie has opened a whole new idea in my household with my kids wanting to write letters to God, though they know they can just talk to him, it's really sweet that they want to write these letters.


I want to share these letter my kids wrote, to touch your heart as much as it touched mine, and hoping that through my little kids words, God will touch your heart, by seeing the faith of a child.

This is the exact letters misspelled and all

Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a healthy family. I wish I could see you, and what you look like. Please forgive me for all the bad things I have done. I have a special way of seeing you when I am upset. I see you in my heart. I love you more then anything in the world. I love you so much that you don't even know how much I love you. We had a picnet today. I t was really fun. without you my life will not be as fun, but I know you are always in my heart. Where is heven at? I hope you read my letter. I am so glad you take your time just to help me sometimes. Pleas help everyone in my family to do the right thing. Thank you so much.

Love Leighton


Dear God,
I have a stiff neck I can't move it at all. When I do I get a headache. Pleas make it go away. It's a little hard to wright with out leaning my head down, but I love to right to you, and I love you. God wherever I put my letters can you read them pleas. I know you will read my letters. I know it's selfish, but can you pleas come down to earth and see me. I know you will make my neck better.
Leighton

Dear God,
Thank you for all that you done this family. Thank you for video games. I love you. Thank you for having a picnet. I know heven is a lot more funner than hear. Thank you for this planet. Thank you for this family and t.v.
Hayden

Dear God,
i love you. I like my presents. Thank you for making those presents for me. I wish i wasn't itchy.
Cohen

And here is the picnic that they thanked God for



i can already see the preteen in this one