Do you ever just have moments where you sit back and reevaluate your self, your life, and your dreams. I am right now, asking what's the point, who am I trying to please, why am i stretching myself so thin, will it full fill what I long for. In Ecclesiastes he writes what's the point you die, all the "stuff" is like chasing the wind, it's useless, you can't bring it with you, he says it's better to eat drink, work hard and be happy. It's not about the stuff, what title you hold, it's about being content with what you've been given, stop chasing more. So today I'm asking myself what is it that gives me the most joy, the most peace, the extra special beat in my heart. It's not my house, it's my loves (my husband and kids) that live with in.
I've come to realize, there's an enemy speaking in my ear saying you need more, you need more, this isn't enough, you need to make a name for yourself, you need to be successful, you need a bigger house, you need the finer things in life, you need people to look at you and see how great you have it, you need to be strong, and I believed I prayed for more, I begged for more, with out evening taking the time to thank MY GIVER for what I already have been given.
I was listening to the radio, and a brief statement caught my attention, it was about dreams, and how some times what we dream just doesn't happen, and how you have to let go, and grieve those dreams, to allow God to give us new dreams, His dreams. It hit me, I've held on so tight to things I've thought I needed that, I've left no option for the new ones to come my way. I've never felt so strongly in my life, that it's time to surrender, to let go, and to stop chasing the wind. It's time to grieve what I had thought I would have by now, but except that I don't need it. I have all that I need, and it's time to enjoy what I've been given. I'm ready for God to put new in my life, but if this is all He has to give me while I'm here on this earth, I pray I will be content with it. That I will live a life of thanks and of giving my self to who/what I have been blessed with. To help grow and encourage my kids, my husband, the people God has centered around me to see Him. So that we can have all that He wants for us.
I know God wants me to live a life full of blessings, but it has to be what He wants to bless me with, a blessing is not a want list that He fulfills, it's not a paycheck for the hard work I've done, an allowance for the tasks I've completed, the blessings I have are gifts that I haven't earned in any way, but he loves me more then I know, so He gives, to show me this unconditional love.
Today.
I'm choosing to see His love in all my blessings, from my husband,my kids, my family and friends, to the things I already have.
And I hope the next day and the next.....
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
denied
It's only 9 am, and already I've had tears, conviction, and complete surrender. God can do a lot, in a little time. But when your open, God is able to work, and I'm trying to live a life open to His will, letting go.
I have my new found quiet time between the time I send Brennan off to school, and wake the other kids up to get ready for school, and in this time I read my bible, and hope that God speaks or enlightens me in his word. Today wasn't easy, I was reading about when Peter Denied Jesus three times, and in many ways, I saw myself in Peter. I asked how many times in my life did I deny Jesus, maybe not so much flat out denying him, but something deep with in me felt the pain that I had on so many occasions denied Him. I read on, when Peter had denied him the third time, Jesus has met his eyes,
Luke 22 vs. 61 Then the Lord had turned once and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered what the Lord had said. vs62 Then Peter went outside and cried painfully
and face to face, it was then Peter realized the truth and went away and cried out in pain. That's where I sat today, like I met his eyes, and realized I have denied him too. Obviously not in the same way Peter, I've never been asked if I was one of Jesus followers, but when my actions haven't shown it, or even when my words haven't spoken it, in my own way I have denied Him. Thank God for His mercy. Thank God Jesus didn't throw in the towel, and say I can't do this Lord, even my closest friend Peter the one who walked with me, denied me, Thank God He was God!! And I'm sure when He met Peters eyes, they weren't a glare of I told you so, but of compassion and of Love, it was like I saw for the first time, the eyes of Love, eyes saying for You as well, I give my life. I think I saw, only Peters side, and I forgot to see the eyes of the One who gave everything up for me. For me these eyes met, saying "I already knew you would fail, I already know you're not perfect, I never expected you to be, but for you I carried the cross, and died. I love you this much." For so long I completely missed the message of Jesus telling his disciples that one of you will deny me 3 times, but today I see His love in telling them this. I see that we have to surrender it to Him, all to Him, because we will fail, and He knows this, and He still loves us no matter what. Today I'm not sitting here with excuses for my denial, or my sin. I'm crying in pain with the realization of my denial, just as Peter did, but I see the compassion of my Savior, I see his eyes. I've met Him today.
I have my new found quiet time between the time I send Brennan off to school, and wake the other kids up to get ready for school, and in this time I read my bible, and hope that God speaks or enlightens me in his word. Today wasn't easy, I was reading about when Peter Denied Jesus three times, and in many ways, I saw myself in Peter. I asked how many times in my life did I deny Jesus, maybe not so much flat out denying him, but something deep with in me felt the pain that I had on so many occasions denied Him. I read on, when Peter had denied him the third time, Jesus has met his eyes,
Luke 22 vs. 61 Then the Lord had turned once and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered what the Lord had said. vs62 Then Peter went outside and cried painfully
and face to face, it was then Peter realized the truth and went away and cried out in pain. That's where I sat today, like I met his eyes, and realized I have denied him too. Obviously not in the same way Peter, I've never been asked if I was one of Jesus followers, but when my actions haven't shown it, or even when my words haven't spoken it, in my own way I have denied Him. Thank God for His mercy. Thank God Jesus didn't throw in the towel, and say I can't do this Lord, even my closest friend Peter the one who walked with me, denied me, Thank God He was God!! And I'm sure when He met Peters eyes, they weren't a glare of I told you so, but of compassion and of Love, it was like I saw for the first time, the eyes of Love, eyes saying for You as well, I give my life. I think I saw, only Peters side, and I forgot to see the eyes of the One who gave everything up for me. For me these eyes met, saying "I already knew you would fail, I already know you're not perfect, I never expected you to be, but for you I carried the cross, and died. I love you this much." For so long I completely missed the message of Jesus telling his disciples that one of you will deny me 3 times, but today I see His love in telling them this. I see that we have to surrender it to Him, all to Him, because we will fail, and He knows this, and He still loves us no matter what. Today I'm not sitting here with excuses for my denial, or my sin. I'm crying in pain with the realization of my denial, just as Peter did, but I see the compassion of my Savior, I see his eyes. I've met Him today.
Friday, February 24, 2012
under exposed
wow it's been way to long! I kind of went missing from the blogger world, and there were so many times I wanted to write, but the words were locked inside.
A new day is today, HELLO?? maybe no one even will know I'm writing, because I've been missing for to long, but I'm jumping back in, one tiny word at a time. Let's rekindle our friendship my blogging world, let's not erase what was written before, but explore the new.
As a photographer, a big word in my world is exposure. A picture can be perfectly exposed, under exposed, or over exposed. to have the perfect picture you want to get the lighting just right, to see the details with in a picture, my exposure has to be right on. My heart is like a picture for to long it has been under exposed, I've hidden the details with in, though this blog title is an open heart, mine has not been. I haven't had my exposure right, and slowly I'm working on getting the lighting in it just right, and God is that light. With out going into to many details, because this would be the longest post. I'm here working it out, figuring it out, writing it out, to have that open, perfectly exposed heart. Day to Day I'm believing more light will get shed into it, and God will work on getting my heart the way the exposure is perfect to see the details, the picture with in my hearts story. I'm hoping to write more about this journey, my heart story, to share what i'm experiencing along the way. I want to share the real, the ugly, the beautiful, the raw, the grain, and so much more. Here I am, opening back up my heart, what the picture will look like in the end, Only God will know, but I'm standing before him, ready. I'm here writing, I'm taking those steps, and I'm believing.
I pray that what God reveals to me, as I write my words, God will reveal something to you as well. I'm ready to share my heart with you, opening your heart is a beautiful, powerful, amazing thing. Letting God expose is, is life changing.
A new day is today, HELLO?? maybe no one even will know I'm writing, because I've been missing for to long, but I'm jumping back in, one tiny word at a time. Let's rekindle our friendship my blogging world, let's not erase what was written before, but explore the new.
As a photographer, a big word in my world is exposure. A picture can be perfectly exposed, under exposed, or over exposed. to have the perfect picture you want to get the lighting just right, to see the details with in a picture, my exposure has to be right on. My heart is like a picture for to long it has been under exposed, I've hidden the details with in, though this blog title is an open heart, mine has not been. I haven't had my exposure right, and slowly I'm working on getting the lighting in it just right, and God is that light. With out going into to many details, because this would be the longest post. I'm here working it out, figuring it out, writing it out, to have that open, perfectly exposed heart. Day to Day I'm believing more light will get shed into it, and God will work on getting my heart the way the exposure is perfect to see the details, the picture with in my hearts story. I'm hoping to write more about this journey, my heart story, to share what i'm experiencing along the way. I want to share the real, the ugly, the beautiful, the raw, the grain, and so much more. Here I am, opening back up my heart, what the picture will look like in the end, Only God will know, but I'm standing before him, ready. I'm here writing, I'm taking those steps, and I'm believing.
I pray that what God reveals to me, as I write my words, God will reveal something to you as well. I'm ready to share my heart with you, opening your heart is a beautiful, powerful, amazing thing. Letting God expose is, is life changing.
Monday, August 1, 2011
it that time again
I have this sign that hangs in my house, "expect a miracle" it says, often it sits there with no meaning behind it, just a decoration that often goes unnoticed, but today I look at it, and it's looking back at me. asking me so many questions, do you believe, do you trust, do you think I can deliver, you hang me for a reason, a reminder that miracles happen everyday, whether you see or whether you believe. Obviously I don't think this sign does miracle, but it's a reminder of my Miracle Maker. and today, though I don't see how, or why He would, I still expect, because I know with out a doubt, He will take care, He will provide, maybe it's not a miracle to Him, it's just God being who He is, standing on His promises, but to me it would be, because I don't see how unless His Hands have touched, moved, and directed things to place perfectly. I'm not going to speak, I'm not even going to worry, I'll see HIm work, I'll see Him provide, He's good, and I know that He has already started, before I even had to ask, because through the unknown, there is a peace I've never had before. It's that time again, where I place my everything into His hands, It's that time again, when I will see Him get us through.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
the unknown
it's been a while since i wrote, and sometimes i wonder who i'm writing to? is it for me, to document my life, or do i write so maybe what i am going through will create a bond with another through my words. maybe it's both, maybe it's so i can get the thoughts that sit in my mind out on "paper" Honestly sometimes I hold back not knowing for sure who reads the words, but i'm tired of holding back so today I write....
I feel lost, there's something unknown in my life, I've lived for years knowing what was to happen next, a wedding, a baby, add 4 more...a job, a new profession, and today I sit wondering what exciting thing i have to look forward to. I've been stuck in those years, remembering them as the best days of my life, the day I walked down the isle, the day I held each of my kids in my arms for the first time, the excitement of new, and today I feel my feet are stuck, maybe I've left them planted in those years, and I have to trust that greater things are coming my way, i lay in my bed at night, with no dreams, no hoping for the next chapter of my life. I've always had a dream, something I've longed for, and lately I feel like the dreams have slipped away. or I've given up on some, or some feel as though they have been ripped away. You may read this and say "Keri you have so much, you have so many wonderful things ahead" trust me I've spoken it to myself, and then the guilt comes in forceful waves. then I get stuck in the guilt of it all, I missed out on enjoying today, because I'm trying to figure out my tomorrows, I've missed out on what's right in front of me, and I feel ashamed. So here I am, lost with guilt.
One of my biggest problems in life, is I understand God's mercy, His Love, His Gift for others, and I've seen them come to pass, but I don't understand it for myself. I understand that God loves you right where you are, but I don't always believe He loves me right where I am. Therefor I get lost, and I feel guilty that I know these things, but I haven't taken them upon myself. I could sit and tell anyone God's love for them, the wonderful plans He has for them, and many many times, I've seen Him prove that to them, I've seen them step into His Blessings, and that leaves me thinking God what about me?? I know the answer, it's I haven't fully believed, and then I feel ashamed. It's a pattern, and I want to break the pattern, what am I scared of? truth be told, maybe He won't show up for me, I'm comfortable at a distance so to say, because He's still Good in my eyes, I have all that I need, He's given me enough, But what if what I hope and dream for the "more" doesn't come to pass? will I lose? I'm not at all saying that what I'm writing is true, but it's the truth of where I am, I sit and look back at my words, and think wow keri you are stupid, YOU KNOW!! Go ahead trust, He Won't fail you, or I hear HIM saying, "Go ahead trust me, I will never fail you, let go, give over the control, let me show you, who I really am, let me be God" my first thought that comes to mind is "How God?, How do I hand over what I don't understand?" but in my spririt, I hear Him, "I know your heart better then you, I know your dreams, I've placed them there, I've given them to you, don't be afraid to lose what is not yours, but mine alone, I'm bigger then any dream you think, I'm faithful, I AM"
maybe this is why I wrote today, for break through, for God to speak, for truths to be admitted, for God to write, and take over... I'm lost Lord, but never Lost in YOU. I've listened to long to another voice, but today Your voice has pressed through, and a light is beginning to shine, in this heart I let go dark, today I feel new, I didn't know the words I was to write today, but I wrote what I felt, and today you took over, a much better way to live. I may not know what tomorrow brings, but I place it today in your hands, I want what you want for me, help me to plant my feet in your ways, and if I'm to stay placed anywhere, let it be with YOU. Today I write to you, though i didn't know at the beginning of this, I know now, help me live my life this way, to open up, to hand over, and to let you speak.
I feel lost, there's something unknown in my life, I've lived for years knowing what was to happen next, a wedding, a baby, add 4 more...a job, a new profession, and today I sit wondering what exciting thing i have to look forward to. I've been stuck in those years, remembering them as the best days of my life, the day I walked down the isle, the day I held each of my kids in my arms for the first time, the excitement of new, and today I feel my feet are stuck, maybe I've left them planted in those years, and I have to trust that greater things are coming my way, i lay in my bed at night, with no dreams, no hoping for the next chapter of my life. I've always had a dream, something I've longed for, and lately I feel like the dreams have slipped away. or I've given up on some, or some feel as though they have been ripped away. You may read this and say "Keri you have so much, you have so many wonderful things ahead" trust me I've spoken it to myself, and then the guilt comes in forceful waves. then I get stuck in the guilt of it all, I missed out on enjoying today, because I'm trying to figure out my tomorrows, I've missed out on what's right in front of me, and I feel ashamed. So here I am, lost with guilt.
One of my biggest problems in life, is I understand God's mercy, His Love, His Gift for others, and I've seen them come to pass, but I don't understand it for myself. I understand that God loves you right where you are, but I don't always believe He loves me right where I am. Therefor I get lost, and I feel guilty that I know these things, but I haven't taken them upon myself. I could sit and tell anyone God's love for them, the wonderful plans He has for them, and many many times, I've seen Him prove that to them, I've seen them step into His Blessings, and that leaves me thinking God what about me?? I know the answer, it's I haven't fully believed, and then I feel ashamed. It's a pattern, and I want to break the pattern, what am I scared of? truth be told, maybe He won't show up for me, I'm comfortable at a distance so to say, because He's still Good in my eyes, I have all that I need, He's given me enough, But what if what I hope and dream for the "more" doesn't come to pass? will I lose? I'm not at all saying that what I'm writing is true, but it's the truth of where I am, I sit and look back at my words, and think wow keri you are stupid, YOU KNOW!! Go ahead trust, He Won't fail you, or I hear HIM saying, "Go ahead trust me, I will never fail you, let go, give over the control, let me show you, who I really am, let me be God" my first thought that comes to mind is "How God?, How do I hand over what I don't understand?" but in my spririt, I hear Him, "I know your heart better then you, I know your dreams, I've placed them there, I've given them to you, don't be afraid to lose what is not yours, but mine alone, I'm bigger then any dream you think, I'm faithful, I AM"
maybe this is why I wrote today, for break through, for God to speak, for truths to be admitted, for God to write, and take over... I'm lost Lord, but never Lost in YOU. I've listened to long to another voice, but today Your voice has pressed through, and a light is beginning to shine, in this heart I let go dark, today I feel new, I didn't know the words I was to write today, but I wrote what I felt, and today you took over, a much better way to live. I may not know what tomorrow brings, but I place it today in your hands, I want what you want for me, help me to plant my feet in your ways, and if I'm to stay placed anywhere, let it be with YOU. Today I write to you, though i didn't know at the beginning of this, I know now, help me live my life this way, to open up, to hand over, and to let you speak.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
camping trip
it's been a very long time since i posted, finding the time to write my thoughts, or even sharing my life has been hard. it's like were non stop going and i find my self struggling to relax. i thought going on a camping trip would be just what we needed but a 24 hour camping trip not so sure it's worth all the work, (putting a tent up and taking it right down the very next day to name 1) but then again it's for sure worth all the memories, even if some of those include yelling a bit for my kids to stop giving me a heart attack, or carrying a 3 year old who really wasn't old enough for the hike, or a very emotional 5 year old, who seemed to complain or fall and get hurt every 10 minutes, who also needed to use the bathroom, but we were in the woods, and no toilet in site (i'm not talking about #1 here) but cancel all that out, and it really was a great trip, not sure I would plan it for mothers day again (at the time we had no idea it was mothers day)....I just kept saying it's not about me, not about my achy, unexercised body, it's about the kids, it's about taking time spending as family, walking away from all other distractions and concentrating on the beauty God has given us, in my kids, in my husband, and in the world He created. (just a side note, I think i will appreciate things a lot more when we head to the beach in June!)
she had to have a dress over her jammies
she had to have a dress over her jammies
Friday, April 15, 2011
what to do?
I opened my email today, and notice that someone wanted to be my friend, not just anyone, the biological father, the man i've see only a handful of times in my whole life. it's complicated, and brings with it unknown feelings, a little anxiety, and fear.
if you don't know this about me, i don't usually share much, because my whole life i've had a dad, a great dad, my dad. I've never felt i was missing anything, or needed to know this other man, i've been given chances, i could have had a releationship with him at anytime, but never felt the need to, my dad (paul) is my dad, and i never wanted anything more, nor would i have wanted him to feel replaced for all he has given me.
let me explain a little better, it's complicated, my mom had 2 kids with this dave guy, me and my older sister, they divorced she remarried my dad paul, and he took over full fatherhood over me and my sister I was a little under 2, and they had 3 more kids together. my dad (when talking about my dad it is always paul, the only way i refer to the other guy is by dave or my biological father, and honestly i don't even like giving him that) adopted us officially when I was in 6th grade, i never knew he wasn't my father until I was about this age, I signed my name with pauls last name, the school allowed this at the time, even though it wasn't my real last name at the time.
it's even more complicated then that, dave is my uncle bob's brother, so 2 sisters( my mom and my aunt) married 2 brothers( my biological father, and my uncle), so I've always known an uncle dave from my cousins, and those cousins lived right next door to us growing up. dave was even fishing buddies with my dad, and my uncles, crazy huh? so I knew of him, and had no idea he was really "my dad". sorry if your not following!
so with all that said, it would have been very easy to know this man, and my parents even would have allowed it, but from my understanding he could have cared less, when I was a baby he basically told my mom, he didn't even ever want us, and she moved on. (there's way more drama then I can even begin to explain)
I remember the first day of 6th grade sitting in a classroom full of new faces, because I was now in middle school, and the teacher doing roll call, Keri Reese, she called out, no one answered, Keri Reese again she called, no one answered, for a split second I was like wow anther Keri in my class, and wondered who she was, then it dawned on me I was Keri Reese, I slid my hand up, feeling embarrassed that all the other kids thought i was some kind of an idiot that didn't know my own name, in my head I was Keri Guetschow, i'll never forget how hard it was to start signing my name Keri Reese, this school would not allow me to sign Guestchow. it was like at that moment I became a whole new person with a whole new identity, but still feeling like I was who I had know my whole life.
in the middle of 6th grade, dave had been contacting my parents, wanting to see us girls, he was a changed man, my parents sat us down and asked if we would like to see him, we said yes, we were curious after all we had heard great things about uncle dave, from my cousins. it was awkward meeting him, and it didn't last, sure enough it ended over a fight my parents had with him, and before I knew it, we were in a lawyers office getting officially adopted by my dad. I was once again a true Guetschow. and I had the best dad!!!
fast forward my 18th birthday when I legally could see this man again, he started to call, wanted to get to know me more, my sister mindy was already in contact with him, he had bought her a car and promised to do the same for me. (i wanted the car!!, my parents were in no position to get me something like this) I never realized how that decision of seeing him again maybe a couple of times would hurt my parents, and that he could give me something they could not, looking back I regret this decision, they gave me way more then this guy ever could, years later, he filed bankruptcy on the car, stop making payments, never told me, and now because my name was linked to the car, had bankruptcy on my credit report and the car got repossessed, we had already taken over the payments because the bank had called us, but for some reason the car still got repossessed we did get it back a big misunderstanding. (sorry to much info)
I really haven't seen him since then, here iand there at family functions, like my anut or uncles bdays, but for the most part it stopped, I remember running into him at a family function and I had brennan a baby and he held him (plus brennan has always resembled him a bit) and he called himself grandpa to him, that made me so mad.
so here we are today, do I except this man to be my friend on facebook with him knowing me through my most precious pictures of my kids, my life, what would God want me to do?? is my biggest question, He wrote and I quote in his friend request message "Hi keri, it's dave, I would love to start communicating with you I'm hoping this is the way to start" It's just facebook, but what are the new expectations if I except this friend, will more be asked? God please help me.
I know he is a hurting man right now, he just lost the only son he knew, my step brother i guess, (through another marriage he had, I didn't know this boy, I met him once) he was my age, and I know now he has no-one, but I can't be his new some-one.
and add drugs, and other stuff into his lifestlye, it's way more complicated then any post would allow me to write, not sure where he's at in life right now, maybe he's got his stuff together, but I am 31 years old, isn't it too late, or is the question is it ever to late?
if you don't know this about me, i don't usually share much, because my whole life i've had a dad, a great dad, my dad. I've never felt i was missing anything, or needed to know this other man, i've been given chances, i could have had a releationship with him at anytime, but never felt the need to, my dad (paul) is my dad, and i never wanted anything more, nor would i have wanted him to feel replaced for all he has given me.
let me explain a little better, it's complicated, my mom had 2 kids with this dave guy, me and my older sister, they divorced she remarried my dad paul, and he took over full fatherhood over me and my sister I was a little under 2, and they had 3 more kids together. my dad (when talking about my dad it is always paul, the only way i refer to the other guy is by dave or my biological father, and honestly i don't even like giving him that) adopted us officially when I was in 6th grade, i never knew he wasn't my father until I was about this age, I signed my name with pauls last name, the school allowed this at the time, even though it wasn't my real last name at the time.
it's even more complicated then that, dave is my uncle bob's brother, so 2 sisters( my mom and my aunt) married 2 brothers( my biological father, and my uncle), so I've always known an uncle dave from my cousins, and those cousins lived right next door to us growing up. dave was even fishing buddies with my dad, and my uncles, crazy huh? so I knew of him, and had no idea he was really "my dad". sorry if your not following!
so with all that said, it would have been very easy to know this man, and my parents even would have allowed it, but from my understanding he could have cared less, when I was a baby he basically told my mom, he didn't even ever want us, and she moved on. (there's way more drama then I can even begin to explain)
I remember the first day of 6th grade sitting in a classroom full of new faces, because I was now in middle school, and the teacher doing roll call, Keri Reese, she called out, no one answered, Keri Reese again she called, no one answered, for a split second I was like wow anther Keri in my class, and wondered who she was, then it dawned on me I was Keri Reese, I slid my hand up, feeling embarrassed that all the other kids thought i was some kind of an idiot that didn't know my own name, in my head I was Keri Guetschow, i'll never forget how hard it was to start signing my name Keri Reese, this school would not allow me to sign Guestchow. it was like at that moment I became a whole new person with a whole new identity, but still feeling like I was who I had know my whole life.
in the middle of 6th grade, dave had been contacting my parents, wanting to see us girls, he was a changed man, my parents sat us down and asked if we would like to see him, we said yes, we were curious after all we had heard great things about uncle dave, from my cousins. it was awkward meeting him, and it didn't last, sure enough it ended over a fight my parents had with him, and before I knew it, we were in a lawyers office getting officially adopted by my dad. I was once again a true Guetschow. and I had the best dad!!!
fast forward my 18th birthday when I legally could see this man again, he started to call, wanted to get to know me more, my sister mindy was already in contact with him, he had bought her a car and promised to do the same for me. (i wanted the car!!, my parents were in no position to get me something like this) I never realized how that decision of seeing him again maybe a couple of times would hurt my parents, and that he could give me something they could not, looking back I regret this decision, they gave me way more then this guy ever could, years later, he filed bankruptcy on the car, stop making payments, never told me, and now because my name was linked to the car, had bankruptcy on my credit report and the car got repossessed, we had already taken over the payments because the bank had called us, but for some reason the car still got repossessed we did get it back a big misunderstanding. (sorry to much info)
I really haven't seen him since then, here iand there at family functions, like my anut or uncles bdays, but for the most part it stopped, I remember running into him at a family function and I had brennan a baby and he held him (plus brennan has always resembled him a bit) and he called himself grandpa to him, that made me so mad.
so here we are today, do I except this man to be my friend on facebook with him knowing me through my most precious pictures of my kids, my life, what would God want me to do?? is my biggest question, He wrote and I quote in his friend request message "Hi keri, it's dave, I would love to start communicating with you I'm hoping this is the way to start" It's just facebook, but what are the new expectations if I except this friend, will more be asked? God please help me.
I know he is a hurting man right now, he just lost the only son he knew, my step brother i guess, (through another marriage he had, I didn't know this boy, I met him once) he was my age, and I know now he has no-one, but I can't be his new some-one.
and add drugs, and other stuff into his lifestlye, it's way more complicated then any post would allow me to write, not sure where he's at in life right now, maybe he's got his stuff together, but I am 31 years old, isn't it too late, or is the question is it ever to late?
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