denied

It's only 9 am, and already I've had tears, conviction, and complete surrender. God can do a lot, in a little time. But when your open, God is able to work, and I'm trying to live a life open to His will, letting go.

I have my new found quiet time between the time I send Brennan off to school, and wake the other kids up to get ready for school, and in this time I read my bible, and hope that God speaks or enlightens me in his word. Today wasn't easy, I was reading about when Peter Denied Jesus three times, and in many ways, I saw myself in Peter. I asked how many times in my life did I deny Jesus, maybe not so much flat out denying him, but something deep with in me felt the pain that I had on so many occasions denied Him. I read on, when Peter had denied him the third time, Jesus has met his eyes,

Luke 22 vs. 61 Then the Lord had turned once and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered what the Lord had said. vs62 Then Peter went outside and cried painfully

and face to face, it was then Peter realized the truth and went away and cried out in pain. That's where I sat today, like I met his eyes, and realized I have denied him too. Obviously not in the same way Peter, I've never been asked if I was one of Jesus followers, but when my actions haven't shown it, or even when my words haven't spoken it, in my own way I have denied Him. Thank God for His mercy. Thank God Jesus didn't throw in the towel, and say I can't do this Lord, even my closest friend Peter the one who walked with me, denied me, Thank God He was God!! And I'm sure when He met Peters eyes, they weren't a glare of I told you so, but of compassion and of Love, it was like I saw for the first time, the eyes of Love, eyes saying for You as well, I give my life. I think I saw, only Peters side, and I forgot to see the eyes of the One who gave everything up for me. For me these eyes met, saying "I already knew you would fail, I already know you're not perfect, I never expected you to be, but for you I carried the cross, and died. I love you this much." For so long I completely missed the message of Jesus telling his disciples that one of you will deny me 3 times, but today I see His love in telling them this. I see that we have to surrender it to Him, all to Him, because we will fail, and He knows this, and He still loves us no matter what. Today I'm not sitting here with excuses for my denial, or my sin. I'm crying in pain with the realization of my denial, just as Peter did, but I see the compassion of my Savior, I see his eyes. I've met Him today.