it's like chasing the wind

Do you ever just have moments where you sit back and reevaluate your self, your life, and your dreams. I am right now, asking what's the point, who am I trying to please, why am i stretching myself so thin, will it full fill what I long for. In Ecclesiastes he writes what's the point you die, all the "stuff" is like chasing the wind, it's useless, you can't bring it with you, he says it's better to eat drink, work hard and be happy. It's not about the stuff, what title you hold, it's about being content with what you've been given, stop chasing more. So today I'm asking myself what is it that gives me the most joy, the most peace, the extra special beat in my heart. It's not my house, it's my loves (my husband and kids) that live with in.

I've come to realize, there's an enemy speaking in my ear saying you need more, you need more, this isn't enough, you need to make a name for yourself, you need to be successful, you need a bigger house, you need the finer things in life, you need people to look at you and see how great you have it, you need to be strong, and I believed I prayed for more, I begged for more, with out evening taking the time to thank MY GIVER for what I already have been given.

I was listening to the radio, and a brief statement caught my attention, it was about dreams, and how some times what we dream just doesn't happen, and how you have to let go, and grieve those dreams, to allow God to give us new dreams, His dreams. It hit me, I've held on so tight to things I've thought I needed that, I've left no option for the new ones to come my way. I've never felt so strongly in my life, that it's time to surrender, to let go, and to stop chasing the wind. It's time to grieve what I had thought I would have by now, but except that I don't need it. I have all that I need, and it's time to enjoy what I've been given. I'm ready for God to put new in my life, but if this is all He has to give me while I'm here on this earth, I pray I will be content with it. That I will live a life of thanks and of giving my self to who/what I have been blessed with. To help grow and encourage my kids, my husband, the people God has centered around me to see Him. So that we can have all that He wants for us.

I know God wants me to live a life full of blessings, but it has to be what He wants to bless me with, a blessing is not a want list that He fulfills, it's not a paycheck for the hard work I've done, an allowance for the tasks I've completed, the blessings I have are gifts that I haven't earned in any way, but he loves me more then I know, so He gives, to show me this unconditional love.

Today.
I'm choosing to see His love in all my blessings, from my husband,my kids, my family and friends, to the things I already have.

And I hope the next day and the next.....