fathers day

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.
~Clarence Budington Kelland

"The most important thing a father can do
for his children is to love their mother."

I read these quotes and i thought of you. i love that you live what you say. you are who you are. you make mistakes, and you own up to them, but always making them right before me and your kids. you show how to be a man, a hardworking, loving man. you show God to our children, in a real loving way. you amaze me, how much you love each of our kids in their own way. i watch you with Brennan, and i see this amazing bond, a friendship, a father-son relationship. He looks up to you so much, wants to make you proud, loves hanging out with you. I see the beginnings of an amazing, real bond that is so strong. When i see you with Leighton, words do not come, i think only tears, usually peak there way out. You love her so much, and wow how much she loves you. she said she would marry you, if she could. she says she's going to find a boy just like her daddy. she loves to cook, and play with you. i love seeing her crawl up on your lap, and cuddle with you. you are all she needs right now. Hayden has really turned into a daddy's boy, wanting to wrestle, and defeat you at any chance he can get. I think your his favorite playmate right now. i love watching your newfound friendship fall into place, of father and son, having the best time. Cohen is in awe of his daddy, he takes his shirt off, and says "now i'm like daddy" He wants to do things the way you do them, i always say he's all yours. his smile to his personality, thank God you understand him. He really thinks your the coolest. I know right now Ashlyn is turning into a mamma's girl, but when she is with you, you two have the sweetest moments, the way she grabs you and hugs you. the way she loves to play with you, i'm afraid our girls have stolen your heart.
i am so blessed, to have a man like you. you love me, more than i deserve, you love our kids with everything you have. you work hard for us, you put us before you. i love you so much, thank you for taking care of our little family, of supporting us in everyway you know how. thank you for serving God, and teaching you kids who God really is, a gentle loving father. i love that you represent Him in so many ways. our kids are so blessed to have a father like you, and i am so greatful to have a husband like you.
I hope you have the greatest fathers day, i love you, more than these words could ever explain.

perfectly

I am amazed how He never fails, how He knows when to show Himself at that perfect moment. I feel so blessed, so amazed, so un-worthy of all He has and is still giving. How perfect His timing is, when we can't see it coming.
If i haven't said it, I'm saying it LOUD now. Thank you Lord, for all that you do, all that you are doing, and all that is to come. thank you for opening those doors, when we thought there was no hope. thank you for perfect encounters, and your peace always.
I'm here not really knowing what tomorrow will bring, but fully knowing that it doesn't matter, because i serve a bigger God than tomorrow. I know that what ever i gain, or what ever i lose, is just the wind, it's here one minute, and is gone the next. it's not about here, it's about where He is leading. Where He is waiting. in perfect time. the only way He works. perfectly.

craziness of summer

im off to the lake again, here we go. the craziness of summer. i feel my days have been of unpacking to repacking. it's time for family though, to spend time, slow down, even though it feels like it's sped up. it's time to enjoy those moments, i love so much. this time i get to go with benji, i hope we have a few moments together, to dream and talk. i hope i get to catch those special times on camera, but if not i know they will be in my heart. this is what summers is about, my family, it's my time. it's what i've been preparing for, and dreaming about. i just feel so blessed, even when things are so unsure, God is still bigger, and still blessing us, every second, every moment. here's to summer and all it's craziness.

no-longer deleted

i deleted my old blog awhile ago, why i really deleted it i will never know, yes i felt He asked me to set it aside, but why i deleted it, i don't fully understand, sometimes i can't seem to figure myself out. but today as i was changing some settings on my new blog dashboard, i noticed, number of blogs..2 and i clicked on it, and it said undelete this blog. so i did, i'm no longer going to add to this blog, but at least i still have my words, my moments, it was like finding an old diary. it was like i was no-longer deleted, as i've felt over the last few weeks, or longer. i found myself in my words. yes i stopped writing for a time, out of obedience, from Him, but i feel like He just gave me a gift back. I feel like Abraham when God had asked him to kill his only son, then after obedience, asked him to kill a lamb instead, leaving Abraham with his son. So it may not have been my son, thank you Jesus, for this, but God still knows what we enjoy, and love, and He cares about the little things.
this is something i have been asking Him, do you really care, for little old me, in my little ol life, and today, loud and clear, i believe He spoke yes. I feel like somewhere in my journey, i lost myself, as if i deleted who i really was, but i feel He undeleted me. He let me see, I deleted who i was, but He has the power to bring me back, He never removes himself, never leaves, and cares about all of me.
and i am forever thankful.

my old blog..for anyone who cares..is benjiandkeri.blogspot.com

M.I.A.

i went down to the lake and told no-one i was going. and i joked that i was M.I.A. (missing in action), but truthfully that is how i feel. like i've gone missing, removed from this picture. day by day life goes on, faster the days pass me by. and as they go, i feel i've gone missing. the only me i've ever know. maybe because someway, i feel i'm moving all alone. gone a head, while others go where i've already been. i'm not that girl waiting to meet that special man, that new bride to be, waiting to start that new family, the new wife, i'm not that new mother, those days are behind me. but i know i'm where i need to be. i tend to absorb those around me, and i find comfort in that. sharing the same moments, living the same life. knowing they know what i'm feeling. but today, it's just me. trying to figure out these new feelings, these new dreams, i trust that God perfectly placed me here, so there's no other influence, just me and Him. so i can hear more clearly to what He's saying, what He's doing, and what He's preparing. honestly it's a new feeling, it's a little scary at times, i feel lost, yet so safe. Because for once i'm not in control, i don't know where i'm going, but i have complete peace. M.I.A. isn't so bad when i know He's taking over.

two.

I can't believe you are two, i have way to many emotions to even really write this. so instead i'll just share my favorite pics, the one's that capture you since i met you two years ago. and each day since as been a gift. i love you, you really are a dream come true, and one of my greatest blessings.

Ashlyn Grace
dream. blessing.

our little baby

1 year oldso biglittle monkeyfull of character

Happy 2nd birthday