Wednesday, December 15, 2010
reminding myself
I've been having these moments, where I feel like something bad is going to happen, fear gets in, and my thoughts take over. What if it's my Dad, pray for him, what if it's my sister, pray for her, what if it's Benji, or dear God don't let it be Benji, pray for him, what if something bad is happening at School today and my kids are hurt, oh God send your Angels, protect them, pray for them, What if I lose my friend, what if I'm sick, what if..., it's a scary feeling thinking about what could happen, or what pain I couldn't handle, or what loss could be, I got on my knee's and prayed the fear came so strong, and God reminded me once again, He's not in the What IF's, He's in the What IS. I can't let my mind wonder into what is not real, or what may not even happen, or is just a plain made up story stuck inside my own head, carrying my darkest fears. God works in the What is, He doesn't live in the what if's, He will carry me through what ever he puts in front of me, even if it might be pain, He will bless me, and he's watching over me, and I can't let myself lose sight of what is, on the what if's. I can't lose sleep thinking about what I can not change, what I think I won't be able to handle. God only gives us what we can handle, and not excepting what He's put in front of us, is an insult to His Character, of what He is trying to do for us and in us. Yes there are those very painful times that we don't understand, but I've always been able to look back and see the power of His goodness in that time. Even when I lost a baby, I see how God used those steps to strengthen me, to lead me, to give me, God works through everything, and He works in the What is. So I'm not going to waste time letting fear get in, no, I'm going to pray that when that fear comes in, God gives me peace, to know that He is right now. And I only have to trust in Him. He is bigger then I can see, and only He knows what tomorrow brings, so right now what is, is good, and I will thank and praise for what I know right now, and what is to come, no matter what, He is still good, and still in everything, I'm always believing for good, even during the trials, the pain, good always over comes. and that is what always will be.
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I had goosebumps while reading this... I could completely identify in that moment you were having. I have been having this weird fear that I couldn't even speak b/c I felt like if I did it would be true somehow. I finally broke down and told Ryan and realized that once I brought it to light, we prayed, and that fear was gone. It still brings stinging tears to my eyes if I think too much about it, but like you said I can't live in the "what ifs" I have to live in the "what is" b/c that is where God is! He has my life in his hands and he will show me through anything I face. Thank you Keri for making me not feel alone. Love you!
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