standing in front of me.

I saw it on sunday, why i am the way that i am. why i need to change. it's always been there, for generations. i see it in all my family, wondering how something has a hold of us so strong.

my grandma, left another party, offended. feeling alone, like no-one cared that she was there, and no-one was giving her the attention she deserved. i watched my mom chase her, and my heart broke, watching my mom, trying another time to make my grandma happy. i felt so sorry for my mom, wondering what it must have been like, never to have a real mom.

but there it was, the offense, that has no justification. i hate to admit it, but i saw myself a tiny bit. with out all the stomping, tears, and drama. i saw my mom in her, and a few others in our family. getting our feelings hurt, feeling like no-ones thinking about us, and getting offended over something so small.

i thought, look what we have learned, and it made me ask, what can i do to change. how can i live the rest of my life with out this. so i don't pass it on to my girls. luckily, i see. i see who you hurt, i see the truth of the actions, i see the pain it causes on your life. so i can change it. i can stop. even though the thoughts arise on many occasions, i can change my thoughts, i am in charge, i can direct my actions.

i can love. i can care. i can take the focus off of me, and put the focus on those around me. i can give, even when nothing is returned. but the truth is, it's always returned, i just have to open my eyes, and see through His eyes. listen to His truths, and realize the lies that are being spoken.


yes, i saw it, but i will not live it.