2000

2000 is just a number. You are not constricted to numbers. it's a number that is written on a piece of paper. I see it as an obstacle, You see it come to pass. I can't see how, You see it done. This number represents so many possibilities, but it's also a number that is holding me back. You don't see the number, You see the many possibilities, nothing can hold You back.
I've decided to see through Your eyes, to see it done, to see it come to pass. I've decided not to let these numbers hold me back, but to see the possibilities, become reality.

Yes I trust in You.

catch up time

so since this summer seems to be flying by.. i thought i would do a little catch up. it started with many lake trips, but it seems that fathers day marked the craziness we call this summer.
to my awesome trip to milwaukee to see an old friend, and amazing photographer, that i got to take with my sister n law, Sarah, see us on the bed, we were so excited like 2 highschool girls we ran around the room, in amazement that a mother of 5 and a mother of 3 got to get away for a few days.


we have spent a lot of time at the pool, where i have learned how brave some of my kids have become this summer. i needed to work on my tan also for an upcoming event...a little thing called my sisters wedding.
but to add to the craziness Leighton also the mini bride, got poison ivy all over her body, but a trip to the doctor just to insure that our little princess would be beautiful on the day..i mean after all she is the most important person after the bride.

then before we knew it, it was 4th of July. we spent it at Grandmas, hanging out and letting the kids shoot fireworks, yes it was mayhem! ( i think that's how it's spelled)
to a birthday party also at Grandma's the next day...for Cohen

then before we knew it, it was the dinner rehearsal, that yes my daughter did walk down and do it perfectly, why she didn't do this on the day, i will never know, but at least i got this picture
then the real birthday day, July 10th, we had icecream cake, and boy was it good! i can't believe he is 4!!! and that just leaves us one more day till the big event...

Michelle wedding day! the most beautiful amazing day. she looked beautiful and Ryan was cuter than ever, it was so much fun and I am so happy for them.

and life is back to normal...for now, where Dora makes a great babysitter,

and just hanging out is what we love to do.

so that is where we are today, but there is still so much more to come, playdates, family camp, and the beginning of school. but for now at least were all caught up.

enough to get by

i don't want to do anything, i think from going and going i just want to do nothing. it's pretty bad when 3 of my kids say they are out of underwear! but hey i've got that load in the laundry now. summer really has a hold on me, the laziness part anyway. i feel i'm just in survival mode. clean the dishes so we have something to eat on, do the laundry so we have something to wear, yell at the kids so they will listen for the next 5 minutes. but where is my structure, i lost it the minute school let out. i'm not a yeller, i mean i can be, but not like this. my kids at least have had underware, because i buy them like 50 pairs because i know me, and laundry and me are not the best of friends, but to run out of those 50 underwears, this is not me. come on. i know i'm here, i've even asked myself is it because i don't have a baby, i mean with a baby you have to be scheduled, feedings, nappings, playtime, but as these kids get bigger they get more independent, and i'm finding that my daily routines don't matter so much, but my house is falling apart, yet i don't seem to care, only usually when i have people coming over, which might explain why we haven't had friends over in so long! i want to spend time with my kids, but i don't think they want to spend time with me, they want each other! or friends, they use to need me to entertain them, even Ashlyn has started requesting Leighton. but a little bit of me doesn't mind, i mean i've been doing this baby thing for 10 years now, not a break inbetween, i think it's o.k to let go a little bit, don't get me wrong, i'm never letting go! but i would be totally fine if my kids wanted to take over everything i hated, the laundry, the dishes, the cleaning, i could just do the rest. the rewarding stuff. so maybe i'm in another world right now, in crazy world!, but soon i'm going to step back into my place, slowly, i'll catch up, maybe it won't be till that bus comes and picks up a few, but it'll happen. i mean you have to have clean underware to go to school!

not today

I want to write about something uplifting and good, but not today. I want to tell you how strong my faith is, but not today. what i want to do and what i am, are not the same. it's a hard state of mind t be in, wanting and being. not lining up. when you watch your own child in pain, when you see that he won't even walk, because his own skin is failing him, it takes you away from what you want to be to what you are. i've cried out to God, as i cry when these words, these truths of myself, come out. i've asked Him to heal, to help...and i wonder does He hear? everything inside of me tells me He does, I know that i know that He cares, but where is the rest? Where is my Healer? what am i doing wrong, I'm getting no where with doctors, they just make me feel i'm doing all these wrong, everyone has an opinion, and none line up. I don't want to be incharge of this, Do you remember Lord when I gave him back to you, that tiny baby at church, He's yours all yours, i don't understand, Why? I hear lies that i'm taking the easy way out, that believing for a miricle is the easy way, then i won't have to do all that i do for my little guy. but i just Believed that a miricle isn't the easy way out, it's the only way out. but today i'm crying out again, for all to see me weak, i don't care, i need You, I need Your help, I need You to show up. please. please i've gave him back to You, to care for him, to see over him, i know i can't do this with out You.

just think

im so thankful for His word, sometime i just need a reminder. i read these words last night, and prayed that they would sink in and become real to me, everyday of the rest of my life.

Just think- you don't need anything, you've got it all.

wow, i do, i must trust that this is true. i've got it all! i don't need a thing, His word tells me this.
I have everything through Him and by Him.

All God's gifts are right in front of you, as you wait expectantly for the Master
Jesus to arrive on the scene for the Finale.

All God's gifts are right here in front of me, for me! and then i don't know about you, but i got a little excited about waiting for the Finale. but to know that all of God's gifts are for me. i had to read on

And not only that, but God himself is right alongside to keep you
steady and on track until things are all wrapped up by Jesus.

I needed this reminder that God is right alongside of me. helping me, i'm not alone, i don't have to do it alone, He has the tools i need, his gifts, his words, his truths.

God, who got you started on this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Master Jesus. He will never give up on you. Never forget that.

1 cor.1:7-9 (message bible)

God did start me on this journey, so therefore i am here for a reason, a purpose. He will never give up on me, even though the lies around me tell meother wise. He must have known about the lies, because he says Never forget that. i'm so thankful He knows me that well, to put in His word never forget it. know the truth. He helps us stay on track, and He never gives up on us. we have all we need, we have Him, the real living God. I don't know about you, but this got me a little excited today. sometimes i just need to think, and be reminded.

what would you do if i sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?

before

I can picture my home here, i can just see the house we have in mind. the other day when i was outside walking, i stopped and dreamed. this is the land we want to build on. so i stopped in that peaceful moment, and i saw my house. i saw my perfect windows, i saw my kids running in their yard. i saw my living room, and my kitchen, i saw it all. my perfect home. it's still in the dream state, still only in my hopes. i prayed to hear your voice in that moment, as i walked on the land i'd hope to be mine. i prayed to see, but i just had peace. i had hope, i dreamed. and right now that's enough for me. i trust that it's all yours, it's in your hands. no matter what. i believe that one day this picture will be filled with my house, as the after picture, in a before and after. but right now this is just the before, before my dreams were full filled, before..only You were at work. because You are always in the before's. and for right now, i'm happy knowing that you came in before to make a way, you stood before me, you know before, i ever even dreamed. before i was born, you knew me. and so i stand here today rejoicing in the before. knowing that it's You.