i miss us

my house is a mess, the laundry over flowing, and we're having pizza delivered again. i can't seem to get it together, i'm just not meant to do this all alone. i've never been the best at keeping the house cleaned, but i did it, i've been known to let the laundry overflow, but usually it's easier then it has been. weeks are going by, and it's not getting easier, it seems to be getting harder. i miss you, i just don't feel like myself with out you, you're my better half, my motivator, the person i want to keep the house (somewhat) clean for, have your laundry ready for you makes me feel better, cooking dinner for you puts a smile on my face, tho sometimes it's hidden under the idea of having to do it. these long hours your working, are leaving me feeling alone, unlike myself. i just want to enjoy this house, our kids, our life with you, but with you missing from the picture, it takes away the joy in it. i know i have 5 other people to please, to make happy, but this is our life together, and together it hasn't been. i hate that you miss the stories, and that some nights i'm so tired, i let video games, and t.v. parent for me. i hate that goodbye's are coming more often then those wonderful hello's. i hate that i wake up in the morning and your gone, and i climb into an empty bed, and shut my eyes with out that perfect kiss goodnight. i hate that i cried on the phone, and you had to say sorry, i hate that i'm not strong enough to be your support, that your working and feeling guilty, when your making life so much easier on me, and i'm making it so much harder on you. i wish i could be that women that can do it all, but for so many years we've made a great team, a perfect team, when i'm weak you become strong, and when you feel broken, i've pick up the pieces, giving them back to you when your strength has returned. i like that i need you, and i enjoy that you need me, that together we make us. with out us, i'm lost. i know it's only a little longer, and i know i'll make it through, but something i've grown to realize this life isn't as great and wonderful with out you, my nights aren't as complete with out you next to me, with out you filling that empty seat at the dinner table, on the couch as we watch our favorite shows, on your pillow that is often empty when i head to bed. i miss you! you make me better, and lately i haven't felt my best.