pack your bag

I watched my wedding video the other night, and i saw someone else. a girl, full of hope, and a happiness that i think can only happen on a wedding day. I felt as though i was watching someone else, even though i remember it all. i remember the feelings of excitement and joy. i remember thinking that this was only the beginning, the pastor spoke over our kids to come, i know i wasn't thinking of our kids at that moment, but when he spoke the words, it made me wonder if that little girl had any idea the great life that was a head of her. the gifts she was going to receive, i think she thought it couldn't get any better than it was right then. how much better it has gotten! watching that video was a wake-up call, i've been wondering what's next, what great things are to come, thinking that as i'm about to turn 30, life is going to go down hill from here, i've been believing i've lived the greatest joys already, can anything really be any greater than the moments i've already lived? having the joy of experiencing 5 kids, the pregnancy, the birth, the hospital stay, the newborns, the toddlers, the kids, but i believe there is so much more. i believe some of the greatest days of my life haven't even happened yet, just as that young 19 year old girl had no idea, life could get any better. we'll 10 years later, i sit here thinking that life couln't get any better than right now, but at the same time, there has been saddness, i guess kind of like the day of a wedding, knowing that all the planning has led up until that day, but now it's going to be over. making the decision to raise the kids, instead of having more kids, seems like the same thing. who am if i'm not birthing these babies, i found security in it, i was good at, it came easy, i got addicted to my pregnancy's and births. but i feel as God is saying it's time to move on, i've got so much more, and when i think about raising the kids, and enjoying them, i get so excited about the joys i have to come. i feel like God is saying don't look at this as an ending, and letting the end over rule, a new beginning. stop focusing on the closed door, it's closed, but look ahead to the path before you with new experiences, and new joys. I feel Him saying celebrate life, don't plan a funeral. live, it's what i put you here for. i was talking about this to my closest friend, and she said something that was so good, she was talking about packing her bags for the baby, and how exciting it is, and i felt like God said, we needed to live our lives packing our bags, for his plans, for his next steps for our lives. I thought about it more, and more, how clothes represent so many times in our lives, baby clothes, kids clothes, teen clothes, hand me downs, prom dresses, wedding gowns, maternity clothes, they represent stages of our lives, but what clothes am i wearing now? but i feel like it's moving time, moving into a new stage of my life, it's time to pack my bag, put those old clothes away or hand them over to someone else, God has new things for me, greater things. i don't understand what is in my bag, but i understand he is in control, he has placed just what i need. when i was just that 19 year old bride, i had no idea what bag i was packing, i just lived for that day, so at 29 years, feeling the same way, i'm just living for today, believing that life can't get any better than this, but fully knowing that it will, because God always has greater things for us. i'm celebrating today, i have my bags packed with a new found excitement.