night and day

these pics are new and rare. cohen not only enjoying a bath, but leaning back to get his hair washed. and he wanted to do it all by himself. i have to say, i always thought he looked just like benji, but in these pictures, he looks just like me. i've always called him benji's child, not really understanding him much, his stubbornness, his willpower, his fears, we've had our moments. but tonight was a great moment, i thought i would share. i love this little man, i love everything i don't understand, i love who he is, i love his father in him, i love his character, his presence, his life in our family. his words, his thoughts, his actions, HIM.

i can't believe the difference in Cohen's behavior these last couple of days. it's like night and day, as if someone came in and replaced my kid, well maybe not all of him, but parts. it just amazes me how a kid can change something in one day. Cohen isn't our easiest child, he's perfectly complicated. he brings the element of surprise with him every where he goes. today he decided to use the bathroom all by himself, without asking for any one's help, which he usually demands, and says he's to scared to do it by himself. but today, he did this on his own, and boy was he proud of himself.


another thing today, he decide to take a bath with no fear! this was probably the greatest gift he's giving me, besides hugs and kisses, and just being him. but Cohen usually freaks out in the bath,making bath time my most dreaded time of the day, but he's suppose to have them everyday for his skin. actually last time we went to his dermatologist, she wanted him evaluated for behavioral issues, due to him throwing fits before bathing. i left that appointment in tears, and with another appointment coming up, i can't wait to share the news! Cohen decided on his own he could wash his own hair and body, which he normally kicks and screams through. i just feel so proud of him, and i can tell he's proud of himself. he knows he's about to turn 4 and he know 4 year olds are big boys, so i think he keeps doing things to prove to us that he's really a big boy

he told us today he's excited about turning 5 too, because then he can wipe his own butt, this we had to laugh at! but that may be the next greatest gift he gives me. i'm just believing this is the change we needed, maybe now we can really get his skin under control, in a peaceful way.

i am so proud of you, my little cokie nut.

myself

Deleted. because i can't share, i can't understand, and i can't explain.

sisters.

ring a round the rosies today, reminded me of the gift of being sisters. the love and support, the friendship that comes with no effort. the comfort of knowing the real person, and loving them no matter what. the joy of laughing about growing up and the experiences along the way. the stories that develope throughout the years. the joy of being girls. a sister is a first friend, that last forever.

Happy Birthday to me

it rained this morning, and the first thought was Happy Birthday to me, and maybe your reading this thinking it's a bad, or negative thought, because of course on my 30th birthday it would rain. but i really meant it with excitement, it was the first gift i received this morning. a gift from God.

I had a great birthday trip, at Disney world. the kids did great in the car, our road trip went smoothly. our house was amazing, except a few loud kids that woke up at 5:30 in the morning, not my own! our first day at disney, was hectic, we had a few marital spats, a few unhappy children, but to be expected in a chaotic park, on memorial weekend. but we pressed on figured out a system, which we had down packed by the end of the trip. grab a map, plan out your day, and stick to it, but not to get upset when things don't go our way. we enjoyed watching our kids enjoy everything, loving the rides, hugging that princess, becoming padawons (star wars), it was a fun week. so many moments and stories to tell. we spent the nights in the hot tub, laughing and having grown up time, which is so needed after a long, tiring day at the parks. we had a few hard moments, but they were over come by the great ones!

we were ready to come home, get life back to normal, and relax. our drive home was nice, Hayden said God had helped us make it fast, and when I got home, another great gift was waiting for me, my garden had been planted, with the most beautiful flowers, it looked great. I thought what a wonderful way to end a wonderful trip. to come home to such a thoughtful gift, from our friends, thank you, Josh, Tori, Miles, Lila, Ansley, and Monroe (i heard monroe did a great job, looking cute in the car) you made me feel so loved and special, i can't even begin to tell you how much that meant to me. I hope you all know how loved you are, and your friendships mean the world to us!! the last instructions i recieved were to water my flowers in the morning, and God did this for me! once again a reminder of His love.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

more after the break.

i am so excited tomorrow we leave for disney world, i feel like a kid again, which is exactly what i wanted, for this upcoming birthday. i've been packing for days, little things here and there, i haven't sat much in the last couple of days, trying to clean, and get things ready. i haven't seen much of my husband, who i miss, i didn't know how much till my own words brought on tears. i don't feel like i've spent much time with my kids, and my heart aches for that. this is going to be a great trip, everyday with my husband, doing what we love, spending it with our kids, seeing them have a great time. i can't wait to watch brennan and benji bond, like two big boys, and leighton and benji, being father and daughter, i can't wait to watch the boys see there daddy as a hero, as i see in there eyes so many times. i can't wait to see ashlyn on top of his shoulders, doing what daddy's do best. my heart aches for this trip, i need it. to be just us. to see that God has given me more than enough.
i hope He'll give me peace on this long road trip. I pray for patience, like never before, because I know i'm going to need it! i hope i remember to let go of the little things, let the kids be kids, and just enjoy every moment. I don't want to plan, i want to let it be. each day, be it's own. each moment, lead the way.
stay tuned... i'm sure i will have lots of stories, pictures and video. Disney here we come!

Leighton"s words

I just got done reading Leighton's journal from school, i always love this time of year, when you get to see what your kids say when you are not around. Some of her things are funny some are sweet, so I thought I would just share a few. I realized she loves her older brother, Brennan, she looks up to him so much. I think about 1/3 of her writing was about him. I hope she always looks up to him, and i pray he stays someone to look up to. She loves her family so much most of her writing had to do with us, she loves being a big sister, and a big helper. i just love her so much, she brought tears to my eyes this morning.

in Leighton's words

Me and my brothers like to jump high, but Brennan jumps the highest

When my family races, Brennan always is first, but once I was first (she drew a picture of Brennan mad)

Once I heard Santa come in at night, but I didn't want to make him in a hurry.

Every morning I go to school but first I have to make breakfast for my little brother. (this is not true, I wonder what her teacher thinks, slave labor?)

My sister smiles at me a lot, but sometimes it is annoying. (this is so funny)

My brother Hayden, doesn't share some of his stuff, since he wants them to himself, but I still play with him

I've fallen a lot of times, but I don't fall as much anymore (this made me laugh so hard, she does fall a lot)

My mom reheats a lot of things, because she saves a lot of food.

My family is going to Disney World and when we get back we will have to unpack our bags, because we might get in trouble if we don't

My brother is three years old and he mistreats me, but he gets in trouble.

My sister makes me read stories to her all day (this is a little true)

My mom is funny when she tells funny jokes. My mom is good at games only I like to play the games mom plays. My mom is nice because she fixes me lunch and dinner. My mom is fair at everything especially at games, but sometimes I cheat. I feel so happy, I love my mom so much.

more thoughts

i have so much to do and have no motivation, we leave for disney in 3 days and yet i sit here writing instead.

i love Cohen so much, but his attitude and screaming are getting out of hand, yet i sit here writing this.

i really hope i can make it to the hospital, to see my new little friend, i wish somedays i could clear my whole calender, but 5 kids and a husband keep me a little tied down.

Hayden has a game tonight, and i don't want to go, American Idol is on tonight, I want to see who wins, not hear it from someone else, also I want to be able to be free to go to see my friend and her new little man. am I a bad mother?

i'm a little crabby today, i've noticed like 3 times already that my feeling got hurt, i've wanted to scream at the kids, and if Hayden asks to play video games one more time i just might lose my mind, what about no does he not understand?

How am i going to make it through this day, with out loosing some kind of control, whether it be through tears, or anger.

i hate when i'm not in control.

I wish i could stay 29, 30 just doesn't seem right.

Stephanie if you read this, it's that time! remember doing your hair and you said you would call for my reminder.. that was a joke, o.k. maybe not all the way....love you friend.

i'm wondering if i should just delete this post.

it's a beautiful day outside, i did just get back from a walk with my new stroller, the kids loved it.

summer is almost here, I can't wait for lazy days, no agenda, just fun. maybe we will be able to go to the lake, that would be wonderful.

i love my kids, my husband, my sisters, my parents, my family, and my friends. life wouldn't be worth living with out you.

today is going to be a good day, i'm believing for something great!!