dropping in

i've been cleaning my house, it's a mess, as always, my aunt dropped by this morning before i got to even touch it, i invited her in, embarrassed by the way it looked, what she must have thought! i try to straighten up every day before benji gets home...so he doesn't think, what did you do all day, i have laundry baskets piled up, bathrooms are a mess, kids rooms are a mess, my room is the worst! and I think what would happen if more people dropped by? what would they think, what would they see? what if they were welcomed to just open the door, and walk in...would they catch me yelling at my kids, would they see me undone, in my pajama's, could they walk in on an argument with my husband, what would they see if i let them in to my real daily life, not on the days i clean up before, the days i invite people over, and make everything look presentable, this got me thinking, is it just my house or is it my whole life that can feel this way?

I'm a mess, not perfect, do i let people in to see me on a daily basis, or do i wait until i've cleaned myself up, the days i feel strong and not a mess,as jj. heller sings who will love me for me, when i'm weak, when i question, when i'm unsure, when i'm hurting about something small, when i feel i could crack at any minute, do i lock up myself, and wait to invite until i'm presentable? most of the time the answer is yes, but i know you have to let friends/family in, to see the real you, to know they aren't' going to judge the mess you're living in, the imperfect you. God has put them in your life for a reason, to be a support, to speak those words you need to hear, to listen, to love, but for some reason, what God does and gives to be good, Lies, come to steal, kill and destroy the good of what God has placed in our lives, and here i am saying, yes i have believed those lies for way to long.

i'm believing for a changed self, that God would help me with my flaws, but more importantly that He would help me to be me, to let others in, take me for who i am, in my weakest moments, to open my doors, and say come in, this is me, I can't do it alone, didn't He give us friends, people to share things with.....

Those people......



who will love me for me?




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today I am thankful for

happy expressions!! kids wear it best!

what's your excuse?

one of the things I wanted to do this year was read the bible in a year, honestly i've already fell behind...just like i always do,
anyways..

I'm in Genesis, and I'm reading about Abraham and Sarah, we've all heard the story, God has promised them a child, a son, God comes to their home, and tells Abraham, Sarah will give birth to a son, Sarah who is eavesdropping, laughs, she says, my husband and I are too old to have a baby, as I read this, I thought to myself, what's my excuse, for not believing in God's plans for my life, for his purpose, for him giving me my greatest desires. Sarah's was she thought she was to old, she saw what she thought was her flaw, her age, she thought it was to late for her.

I just said yesterday while on the phone with my friend, maybe it's to late for me, maybe i've missed my opportunity. Not with Sarah it wasn't, the Lord heard her laugh, and say she was too old, He said Is there anything to hard for the Lord? Sarah you will have a son.

So here I am, going back in my head, remembering my excuses, what I think are my flaws, why I thought it was to late for me...

I'm not good enough, i'm not smart enough, i haven't believed enough, i made that mistake, i'm not as good as that person....so many excuses, but God doesn't see those, He see's the truth in what He's doing, in what he has planned, and just like Sarah, called out on her lie, when she said I didn't laugh, and God simply said, "no you did laugh", here I sit today being called out on the lies i think, the lies i've believed, and God is calling me out on them, Saying "is there anything to hard for the Lord?"

the answer is simply No.

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thankful...

for coffee!! can i get an amen!



for the amazing canvas that was a gift, that i love!! it's us as art, how much better can it get


snow days!


for God's word, with out it I would be lost

everything you are

thankful...

for you...

the husband

the father, the friend, i kept telling you yesterday,

i fell in love with you more,

the way you love your kids

the way you love me,

the way you can be a kid one second,

and the man of the house the next.

I am more blessed, because of you

more loved

more fulfilled

complete

so happy birthday, today, and everyday

I will be thankful for the day you were born,

with out this day, there would be no you,

love you!!

thankful days

am i totally weird that on day 6 i was just so thankful for my pepsi? it's my favorite, my treat to myself, some people love ice cream and chocolate, i love pepsi!



art work of my kids, to help remember the little hands that created this art.




thankful that my husband picked up my camera and got these shots!! i am never infront of the camera, and i love that i have these little treasures.

thankful for the gift and talent God has given me

it's o.k.

this morning was better then to be expected dragging kids out of bed after a long winters break, we slept in most days till 10, one day i'm not kidding it was 10:47, i haven't slept in like that since before i had kids, and now i have kids that treasure sleep as much as i do.

so i was feeling guilty because i thought i hadn't gotten pictures of my kids over this winters break, i put my camera down for the season, thinking of it as my job over these past very busy months of shooting what felt like non stop, forgetting that i'm still that crazy mother who takes a billion pictures of my kids, how did i forget to pick up my camera on christmas (i really did) i was apart this year, not the one behind the camera, which was great...but now i'm bummed that i don't have documentation of that wonderful morning! (but benji did get some of it on video camera), but as i was going through my pics, i realized i did get a few of the snow, and of my kids opening their family gift christmas eve, so i'm not all that bad right?????




the kids loved the snow, ashlyn was cracking me up laying on her belly..


did i mention the turkey that was walking down my street..


and the one picture i did get on christmas eve


it's o.k. i'm living this year not beating myself up with the i wish i did, or i shoulda woulda coulda's...i'm releasing my own high expectations of what i never will measure up to, and just going with the flow, like the beatle's say, let it be...



and remembering this is what i'm thankful for today

playtime with my youngest child

a new year

2010 has been a year of the unfamiliar, nothing seemed the same, changes happening at every turn, a year in a way i was lost but also was found, if that can make any sense what so ever. A year of acceptance that I couldn't stay in what I was familiar with, a year I had to step out to the unknown and examine all life's possibilities that came with changes. That their are things to be thankful for in the things that had changed, but I tried to deny that anything good could come of it, I tried to hold on to my life before, and still tried to move on, but had ties from these things I could not let go, so i stayed stuck, moving tiny steps forward stretching those ties, but never fully feeling free to enjoy the new. So what did I do the last few days of 2010, honestly I cried a lot, more then I think I cried all year long. I cried for the things I regretted, for things I knew I had to let go of, I cried because life goes to fast, and many days I didn't enjoy them, I cried because I can not believe how fast my kids are growing, and I felt I let them down in so many ways, I cried because I'm so thankful, I'm so blessed to have all that I have, I cried....and felt renewed ready to take on 2011 in a whole new way, to live this year ready to except anything that God has for me, instead of trying to stay where I thought I knew best, see I thought if I stayed in my own little camp I could hold on to things longer, to my kids harder, but I missed a lot, I lost a lot of myself a long the way, but I'm living a new life, a new year, to live in every moment, every possibility, to find those little things to be thankful for, I'm challenging myself to find something for everyday to say, this is what I'm thankful for, this is what God has blessed me with today, I am going to documents what I am thankful for here on this blog, 1 thing for each day of this year, and my goal is to find something new, and not repeat myself each day. this isn't what my post will always be about, but I will always end then with today I am thankful for....

or on some days I will post a few for the days I missed blogging, but haven't missed saying them out loud.

here's what I'm thankful for on each day so far....

pajama pants! can't be thankful enough

Cohen's skin, it's doing so well, a verse we speak over him every night at bedtime, "for I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds says the Lord" Jer. 30:17 (look Here to see what it was like before)

Day 3 of 2011

friendship found inside my household between my boys


I challenge you to live this year, a year of thanksgiving....