dropping in

i've been cleaning my house, it's a mess, as always, my aunt dropped by this morning before i got to even touch it, i invited her in, embarrassed by the way it looked, what she must have thought! i try to straighten up every day before benji gets home...so he doesn't think, what did you do all day, i have laundry baskets piled up, bathrooms are a mess, kids rooms are a mess, my room is the worst! and I think what would happen if more people dropped by? what would they think, what would they see? what if they were welcomed to just open the door, and walk in...would they catch me yelling at my kids, would they see me undone, in my pajama's, could they walk in on an argument with my husband, what would they see if i let them in to my real daily life, not on the days i clean up before, the days i invite people over, and make everything look presentable, this got me thinking, is it just my house or is it my whole life that can feel this way?

I'm a mess, not perfect, do i let people in to see me on a daily basis, or do i wait until i've cleaned myself up, the days i feel strong and not a mess,as jj. heller sings who will love me for me, when i'm weak, when i question, when i'm unsure, when i'm hurting about something small, when i feel i could crack at any minute, do i lock up myself, and wait to invite until i'm presentable? most of the time the answer is yes, but i know you have to let friends/family in, to see the real you, to know they aren't' going to judge the mess you're living in, the imperfect you. God has put them in your life for a reason, to be a support, to speak those words you need to hear, to listen, to love, but for some reason, what God does and gives to be good, Lies, come to steal, kill and destroy the good of what God has placed in our lives, and here i am saying, yes i have believed those lies for way to long.

i'm believing for a changed self, that God would help me with my flaws, but more importantly that He would help me to be me, to let others in, take me for who i am, in my weakest moments, to open my doors, and say come in, this is me, I can't do it alone, didn't He give us friends, people to share things with.....

Those people......



who will love me for me?




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today I am thankful for

happy expressions!! kids wear it best!