thankful for the gift and talent God has given me

it's o.k.

this morning was better then to be expected dragging kids out of bed after a long winters break, we slept in most days till 10, one day i'm not kidding it was 10:47, i haven't slept in like that since before i had kids, and now i have kids that treasure sleep as much as i do.

so i was feeling guilty because i thought i hadn't gotten pictures of my kids over this winters break, i put my camera down for the season, thinking of it as my job over these past very busy months of shooting what felt like non stop, forgetting that i'm still that crazy mother who takes a billion pictures of my kids, how did i forget to pick up my camera on christmas (i really did) i was apart this year, not the one behind the camera, which was great...but now i'm bummed that i don't have documentation of that wonderful morning! (but benji did get some of it on video camera), but as i was going through my pics, i realized i did get a few of the snow, and of my kids opening their family gift christmas eve, so i'm not all that bad right?????




the kids loved the snow, ashlyn was cracking me up laying on her belly..


did i mention the turkey that was walking down my street..


and the one picture i did get on christmas eve


it's o.k. i'm living this year not beating myself up with the i wish i did, or i shoulda woulda coulda's...i'm releasing my own high expectations of what i never will measure up to, and just going with the flow, like the beatle's say, let it be...



and remembering this is what i'm thankful for today

playtime with my youngest child

a new year

2010 has been a year of the unfamiliar, nothing seemed the same, changes happening at every turn, a year in a way i was lost but also was found, if that can make any sense what so ever. A year of acceptance that I couldn't stay in what I was familiar with, a year I had to step out to the unknown and examine all life's possibilities that came with changes. That their are things to be thankful for in the things that had changed, but I tried to deny that anything good could come of it, I tried to hold on to my life before, and still tried to move on, but had ties from these things I could not let go, so i stayed stuck, moving tiny steps forward stretching those ties, but never fully feeling free to enjoy the new. So what did I do the last few days of 2010, honestly I cried a lot, more then I think I cried all year long. I cried for the things I regretted, for things I knew I had to let go of, I cried because life goes to fast, and many days I didn't enjoy them, I cried because I can not believe how fast my kids are growing, and I felt I let them down in so many ways, I cried because I'm so thankful, I'm so blessed to have all that I have, I cried....and felt renewed ready to take on 2011 in a whole new way, to live this year ready to except anything that God has for me, instead of trying to stay where I thought I knew best, see I thought if I stayed in my own little camp I could hold on to things longer, to my kids harder, but I missed a lot, I lost a lot of myself a long the way, but I'm living a new life, a new year, to live in every moment, every possibility, to find those little things to be thankful for, I'm challenging myself to find something for everyday to say, this is what I'm thankful for, this is what God has blessed me with today, I am going to documents what I am thankful for here on this blog, 1 thing for each day of this year, and my goal is to find something new, and not repeat myself each day. this isn't what my post will always be about, but I will always end then with today I am thankful for....

or on some days I will post a few for the days I missed blogging, but haven't missed saying them out loud.

here's what I'm thankful for on each day so far....

pajama pants! can't be thankful enough

Cohen's skin, it's doing so well, a verse we speak over him every night at bedtime, "for I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds says the Lord" Jer. 30:17 (look Here to see what it was like before)

Day 3 of 2011

friendship found inside my household between my boys


I challenge you to live this year, a year of thanksgiving....

for my gifts, i call family

I sit in my house with the mixture of christmas music, and kids playing. does it get much better then this? I just feel so blessed, for so many reasons. a warm house that is filled with much more then decorations, much more then furniture, much more then the things we tend to think we need so much, that eventually just becomes stuff, and then we think of more stuff we need. I have so much more, then I ever could have imagined. I'm one lucky, blessed, loved girl, I guess being 31 maybe I should consider myself a women, but i like girl better. I still feel like a girl, just this girl is living a dream, no longer dreaming, like i used to, I'm not saying i don't still dream of that perfect house, on that acre of land, with all the perfect character i know it will be. but right now, i'm perfectly content in what i have. i have an amazing husband, he's my best friend, the love of my life, he's hardworking, real, and the most loving husband, and father. He's content in what he has, and happy with who he is, and i love him more for that. He's never jumped from idea to idea, we've been all he needs and he shows us that everyday, by working hard and providing for our every need. He doesn't need to get away, (like I often feel), he doesn't need other hobbies to escape to, i'm so lucky that I have a man, who is content being my husband, and a father. He doesn't have a fancy title, own a huge corporation, but I can tell you his kids think he's the best, he loves them in everything he does, he's not to proud to say sorry, he's not to manly to cuddle with his 11 year old son, and give kisses right on the mouth to his boys. He spends time with his kids, playing, laughing joking, being just what they need. I love him for it. I am blessed, I have amazing kids, yes at times, it's hard, overwhelming, emotionally draining, but those days are so little, compared to the great ones. The great ones let you get past those "hard" days. the joy in this house is strong, i have happy kids, i have loved kids, i have kids that are thoughtful, and caring, goofy, and silly, they are stubborn (like their father haha) they are beautiful in each their own way. 5 kids, some days i'm still shocked i have 5 kids, we're just us, a family. people ask me all the time, you have 5 kids, how do you do it, I'll let you in on a few of my secrets, first I never think of my kids being that "big" number 5, i think how truly blessed I am to have 5 kids, we live, we enjoy what God has given us. my house is never clean, just something i had to let go of so many many years ago, and honestly i don't care, we live in this house, it's not a showcase of stuff, it's filled with people who make messes, it's covered in toys, that says, yes we play here, we don't spend our time cleaning and making it presentable for others, (we're not dirty, we're just here). I don't live by a schedule, we have some in our lives, but it can be thrown out for any reason to give what ever is needed at the time, a cuddle on the couch, a story read, a game played, a dance party can happen at my house at any given moment, we stop, we take steps back, when needed, we live for what's in these walls, our family. right now that is where i am at, my family, the calling God has put on my life. the greatest gifts I could ever receive, so with Christmas coming up, and gifts are getting ready to be exchanged, God thank you for these 6 gifts, and so many more you have already given me, and thank you for being the greatest gift of all, with out you, I would have nothing.

reminding myself

I've been having these moments, where I feel like something bad is going to happen, fear gets in, and my thoughts take over. What if it's my Dad, pray for him, what if it's my sister, pray for her, what if it's Benji, or dear God don't let it be Benji, pray for him, what if something bad is happening at School today and my kids are hurt, oh God send your Angels, protect them, pray for them, What if I lose my friend, what if I'm sick, what if..., it's a scary feeling thinking about what could happen, or what pain I couldn't handle, or what loss could be, I got on my knee's and prayed the fear came so strong, and God reminded me once again, He's not in the What IF's, He's in the What IS. I can't let my mind wonder into what is not real, or what may not even happen, or is just a plain made up story stuck inside my own head, carrying my darkest fears. God works in the What is, He doesn't live in the what if's, He will carry me through what ever he puts in front of me, even if it might be pain, He will bless me, and he's watching over me, and I can't let myself lose sight of what is, on the what if's. I can't lose sleep thinking about what I can not change, what I think I won't be able to handle. God only gives us what we can handle, and not excepting what He's put in front of us, is an insult to His Character, of what He is trying to do for us and in us. Yes there are those very painful times that we don't understand, but I've always been able to look back and see the power of His goodness in that time. Even when I lost a baby, I see how God used those steps to strengthen me, to lead me, to give me, God works through everything, and He works in the What is. So I'm not going to waste time letting fear get in, no, I'm going to pray that when that fear comes in, God gives me peace, to know that He is right now. And I only have to trust in Him. He is bigger then I can see, and only He knows what tomorrow brings, so right now what is, is good, and I will thank and praise for what I know right now, and what is to come, no matter what, He is still good, and still in everything, I'm always believing for good, even during the trials, the pain, good always over comes. and that is what always will be.

I Love Christmas, I love the crafts, projects, decorating, celebrating, shopping, giving, spending time with family, Christmas parties, oh i could go on and on, there is so much! and it's raining Christmas in my house!!! our tree's up, some of the decorations, lights on the house, I just feel so excited this year, maybe it's because my kids are getting older, and can really enjoy things, they are so excited to helping with lots of things.

check this cute wreath i made all by myself, i don't usually like the old style of wreaths, but have always wanted on, so this simple, cutesy wreath is just perfect for me.


we hung ornaments in the windows, which i love!! thanks better homes and garden magazine, for such a cute simple idea.


got our stockings up, we don't have a fireplace, so we make the front window "do"



We made a countdown out of Christmas socks, with little treats in them for each day, starting Dec. 1st, plus there are 5 different socks so the kids will get new socks too, they are very excited.



My favorite thing out of all of this, is decorating the Christmas tree, every ornament is a special treasure to me. we have our first Christmas together, our babies first Christmas, with each year, we let our kids add a christmas ornament to the tree, picking out what they love at the age, or making something by hand, so as I unwrap every ornament, it brings me back, it tells our story, from being a newly married couple, to having 5 beautiful kids, My tree is a time capsule for me, yes sometimes I cringed as my boys pick out darth vador for the tree, but now looking back I remember how in love with darth vador Hayden was at 4, and it brings me back, it tells our story, so from far away my tree can look like a mess, but each branch holds a piece of my heart, and one day as my kids marry and get a tree of there own, I'll let them take some of their ornaments to decorate their very own tree. this is my favorite tradition we started when Brennan was the little guy.

Brennan, Leighton and Ashlyn made their own this year


Here's some of my favorite ornaments my kids have picked out, or over the years have special meaning to me, for what they represent, what they speak to only me.




and to make this day even better my new rug came today, and I love it!! and the kids loved it more, they played on it like it was they best toy in the world, they all want to sleep on it tonight, i love kids! they really know how to enjoy the everything.


here's what it looks like with no kids, it's a little unsettled still from being brand new.


let the countdown begin!

I found this today, a reminder that you can still have fun with Christmas, but to never forget the true meaning of Christmas, Jesus! Why we have all those decorations, and what they represent, why we need to make sure we don't forget and to teach our kids what it's really about. In our house we have a little fun, Santa brings the gifts, but on each of the presents, they come from Jesus, on each gift tag, we write FROM: Jesus. A tradition my mom started when we were young. Jesus always gives, and still God gives us everything we have. every Toy, every want, every need you have comes from Him, but to never forget, the greatest gift of all, that He sent his only son as a baby, to fulfill the greatest gift we will ever receive, to die for our sins. Christmas is a reminder, a day we should never forget, a promise, that we would be saved, that the Lamb of God came to take the sins of the world, so we could live forever, free, unbroken, made perfect through Him.

Read this below, author unknown, but a reminder of why we do what we do in the Christmas season


Late one Christmas Eve, I sank back, tired but content, into my easy chair. The kids were in bed, the gifts were wrapped, the milk and cookies waited by the fireplace for Santa. As I sat back admiring the tree with its decorations, I couldn't help feeling that something important was missing. It wasn't long before the tiny twinkling tree lights lulled me to sleep.

I don't know how long I slept, but all of a sudden I knew that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes, and you can imagine my surprise when I saw Santa Claus himself standing next to my Christmas tree. He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot just as the poem described him, but he was not the "jolly old elf" of Christmas legend. The man who stood before me looked sad and disappointed, and there were tears in his eyes.

"Santa, what's wrong?" I asked, "Why are you crying?"

"It's the children," Santa replied sadly.

"But Santa, the children love you," I said.

"Oh, I know they love me, and they love the gifts I bring them," Santa said, "but the children of today seem to have somehow missed out on the true spirit of Christmas. It's not their fault. It's just that the adults, many of them not having been taught themselves, have forgotten to teach the children."

"Teach them what?" I asked.

Santa's kind old face became soft, more gentle. His eyes began to shine with something more than tears. He spoke softly. "Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas. Teach them that the part of Christmas we can see, hear, and touch is much more than meets the eye. Teach them the symbolism behind the customs and traditions of Christmas which we now observe. Teach them what it is they truly represent."

Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a tiny Christmas tree and set it on my mantle. "Teach them about the Christmas tree. Green is the second color of Christmas. The stately evergreen, with its unchanging color, represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus. Its needles point heavenward as a reminder that mankind's thoughts should turn heavenward as well."

Santa reached into his bag again and pulled out a shiny star and placed it at the top of the small tree. "The star was the heavenly sign of promise. God promised a Savior for the world and the star was the sign of the fulfillment of that promise on the night that Jesus Christ was born. Teach the children that God always fulfills His promises, and that wise men still seek Him."

"Red," said Santa, "is the first color of Christmas." He pulled forth a red ornament for the tiny tree. "Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the color of the life-giving blood that flows through our veins. It is the symbol of God's greatest gift. Teach the children that Christ gave His life and shed His blood for them that they might have eternal life. When they see the color red, it should remind them of that most wonderful Gift."

Santa found a silver bell in his pack and placed it on the tree. "Just as lost sheep are guided to safety by the sound of the bell, it continues to ring today for all to be guided to the fold. Teach the children to follow the true Shepherd, who gave His life for the sheep."

Santa placed a candle on the mantle and lit it. The soft glow from its one tiny flame brightened the room. "The glow of the candle represents how people can show their thanks for the gift of God's Son that Christmas Eve long ago. Teach the children to follow in Christ's foot steps... to go about doing good. Teach them to let their light so shine before people that all may see it and glorify God. This is what is symbolized when the twinkling lights shine on the tree like hundreds of bright, shining candles, each of them representing one of God's precious children, their light shining for all to see."

Again Santa reached into his bag and this time he brought forth a tiny red and white striped cane. As he hung it on the tree he spoke softly. "The candy cane is a stick of hard white candy: white to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the Solid Rock the foundation of the church, and the firmness of God's promises. The candy cane is in the form of a 'J' to represent the precious name of Jesus, who came to earth. It also represents the Good Shepherd's crook, which He uses to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out the fallen lambs who, like all sheep, have gone astray. The original candy cane had three small red stripes, which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by which we are healed, and a large red stripe that represents the shed blood of Jesus, so that we can have the promise of eternal life."

"Teach these things to the children."

Santa brought out a beautiful wreath made of fresh, fragrant greenery tied with a bright red bow. "The bow reminds us of the bond of perfection, which is love. The wreath embodies all the good things about Christmas for those with eyes to see and hearts to understand. It contains the colors of red and green and the heaven-turned needles of the evergreen. The bow tells the story of good will towards all and its color reminds us of Christ's sacrifice. Even its very shape is symbolic, representing eternity and the eternal nature of Christ's love. It is a circle, without beginning and without end. These are the things you must teach the children."

I asked, "But where does that leave you, Santa?"

The tears gone now from his eyes, a smile broke over Santa's face. "Why bless you, my dear," he laughed, "I'm only a symbol myself. I represent the spirit of family fun and the joy of giving and receiving. If the children are taught these other things, there is no danger that I'll ever be forgotten."

"I think I'm beginning to understand."

"That's why I came," said Santa. "You're an adult. If you don't teach the children these things, then who will?"

(Author Unknown)