An open heart

I searched again for my ring today, it started to really get to me again. but just like the times before i sit here empty handed. I don't know if 3 or 4 years into marriage I would have been this bothered, my ring is small and unique, over years of being married i saw girls with bigger dimonds, flashier sets, but it was perfectly my ring. Over the past years I really started to love that ring, i loved the history behind it. the 11 years on my finger. the 17 year old boy who went and picked it out all by his self, no credit, he worked hard, and paid cash for it, and paid a lot for it at the time. I use to wish that he would surprise me with a bigger ring, or joke that when we had our 10 year anniversary it was time for an upgrade, but when our 10 year rolled around that was not even on my mind, I loved the ring just the way it was, I loved to show it, and say can you believe we were so young, the story behind the ring, the engagement, was what I saw and shared when others got engaged, I shared with so much pride so much love for Benji. And today, i just wish i could find it. I know it's just a ring, and the memories and the stories are still there, but i feel naked with out my ring, i feel a loss. I keep hoping Ashlyn will tell me where it is, I often ask that little 2 year old, "where's mommies ring?" she never answers, or says, "i don't know", i keep hoping it will just show up, or if i shake my covers out one more time it will be there, or if i go through my drawers again i just may have overlooked. i cleaned out my junk drawer in the kitchen today, in hopes it would show up, i looked under kids beds, and in play purses, i searched in old coats, and in my glove box, my camera bag, behind my computer, in my couch cushions, but today, after searching again, i feel it's really gone, gone for good. do I really have to let go????