my eyes.

Believe it or not, you can see each of my kids personalities in the above picture. i was just staring at it, and thought how weird i can tell all of this, from behind. i guess only a mother would really know this, and how grateful i am to be called that.

I was getting down on myself, for so many reason's about being a mom, i'm kinda hard on myself, here's how hard. i never dream about my kids, once in a while i will. those rare scary dreams that you can't find your kid, or they fell into the murky river. (i'm not saying this is normal) but i thought i hadn't thought about them enough that is why i didn't dreamt of them.

I really think something more is going on with me, i get discouraged about the littlest things, my faith can be shaken so easily, and i doubt like never before. it's not a good thing, it's a real thing. I get down on myself and it's hard to pick back up again.

I guess somethings about ready to change, and it's going to go one way or the other. or maybe to the next level, which would be great...since i feel i've been stuck here for a long time. i guess i'm just a little scared because i want to stop with the circle's.

o.k. now that i got off track a little bit, i'll bring myself back, to the picture, with all that doubt, with all those feelings, today I realized this all is not true, the lies about myself. Not dreaming about your children does not make you a bad mother! it was like i saw the truth in that picture. I saw what i know.

I see my husband, carring our bags, leading our family. holding the hand of those who need the help right now at this moment. then there is Brennan, independent, but careful. i love his arm back like that, it's a bit of waryness they he seems to always have. Leighton is determined in her walk, yet there something soft and sweet. Hayden is off back a little bit, from the group. Doing things his own way, and being his own little guy. Oh Cohen, look at you, i see your goofiness in your walk and the way you turned. even in his walk he's full of character. then ashlyn, holding daddy's hands still a little unsure of new things, but yet so interested. consintrating on the things around you.

I know who i am! I know that i don't have the answers, but i know being a mom, I know my kids, i'm not going to let stupid stuff get me down, or be so hard on myself, and find excuses to fail. i know who i am!