finding it at the end of the day

It hasn't been an easy couple of days, not feeling much of myself. I don't know about you and your perfect marriages, but mine hasn't felt up to par these last couple of days, and the solution...was just the time that lacked in putting our effort into it. I was left feeling some what lonely, feeling a little forgotten about, were not perfect, were a work in progress, and when the work stops, and things get comfortable, they really start to become uncomfortable. A few tears later, a husband that listened to my needs, my wants, and my longings to be thought about, remembered, cherished, to be us again, were back on track...(honestly we probably weren't very fall off, but I don't know if your reading this and are a women, and get how far off it can feel, letting emotions blind a little or a lot of the truth)..but I sit here feeling thankful, that I am loved by the greatest man for me, that God knows how to open his sometimes stubborn heart, and reveal to me how to speak so he can understand, but I'm happy, fulfilled.... loved!!! I don't really know why I shared that, maybe to say, I'm real, I get down, but I pulled myself up again, I turned away from the lies, and looked at the truth.

I stopped feeling sorry for myself...

I stopped to enjoy the greatest gift I have, and enjoy what's right in front of me, instead of looking off in the distance to the things I can not see, and simply put I find happiness, in the walls I live in.

I mean come on, how could I not??? watching my kids play is one of my greatest joys, sitting outside on these last few beautiful wonderful sneaky fall days.

My kids decided to make a trap and they all got into it, a trap to catch a squirrel, they collected sticks, leaves, and acorns(there nice kids, they wanted to make sure they had food)




I watched Cohen and Ashlyn dance on the rocks, and laugh, and be silly. They play so well together feed off each others energy, I wish I could record the sound of their voices, their laughs, and songs




I tried to get a little creative with this pic, but it's so simple, but I love it, leaf in one hand, and sunglasses in the other, with that cute butt in a pair of jeans


A dry patch of dirt, became a favorite place for Ashlyn she sat there forever drawing in the dry dirt, pretending it was sand



but it's the littlest things that touched my heart the most, when they thought no one was looking, the camera was far out of sight, I saw this, they were just watching the cars go by....


and Ashlyn's shirt helped me to remember, it's in the tiniest moments, behind the lies, in every day moments, I just have to open my eyes and see it.

big girl

I've been noticing lately what a big girl you are, the way you talk, the way you act, the way you play with your big brothers and sisters. It's getting harder watching every day you get bigger, knowing that really I can't call you a baby anymore, even though your still my baby. I've realized I have to let you grow up, start challenging you more, let you get that independence I know you need so much. You've really always had this amazing independence trying to keep up with your older siblings, you crawled at 4 months...I believe just to prove to your brothers and sisters I may be small but I'm a force to be reckon with. I've been watching you play a lot more, since the kids are off to school and it's just you and me, you play like a big girl using your words and imagination, your really amazing!



I really noticed how big you seemed when Kati's twins were here, and you tried to be the mom, or big helper. you wanted to do it all! you were so sweet, I wondered what it would be like to have another baby, for you to be the big sister, but I know that someone always has to be the youngest, and you are perfectly our youngest child. I'm content with you being you right now, and enjoying every moment, I bet if you were not the youngest I probably wouldn't get the chance to notice all these wonderful changes in you.



I'm enjoying every moment...

I miss church this sunday...again, I know, it's been crazy I always have some reason why I can't go, some good, some just because, and some I really have no excuse. but this past Sunday Leighton had her first soccer game, she was so cute out there
It was a little hot sitting in the bright sun so the boys pored water over them, and we drank slurpies, and the boys tried to see who had the brightest blue tongue, umm I think Hayden win this one!
then again Cohen's looks pretty bright blue too!

the kids played on the play ground, and my big kid did too, oh I love him, such an amazing dad, always playing with the kids, teaching them new things, and having the patience when I so lack it.


Cohen wanted to play too!


but the best part of the day was taking Leighton to get pedicures, girl time is the best!

blue box

I found this blue chest at value village the other day, for $5.95, I walked right up to it and thought I have to have this, what could I do with it I wondered, so many things with my photography, and at the same time use it to keep toys in or clothes, oh the possibilities were endless in my mind. It sat in the boys room for a couple of days, until I decided to break it out, I tried first to get all the kids in it, but Ashlyn wasn't having it if she had to sit on someone's lap she wanted her very own spot, so I put them all on top, to get a great pic of all the kids is impossible!! so we just started to have fun with this "treasure" we found.

I think I'll keep this box and the treasures inside!!!

School again

I can't believe my kids have already been in school for over a week. The first day was still new adjusting to getting myself out of bed and motivated to drive these kids to school. They didn't want to ride the bus, and i really didn't want them to this year either, since they combined buses with the 5-6th grade school, which meant my little ones would be on the bus way to long for me.

It was a big year for us, Cohen started kindergarten, and Brennan starting a new school for the "bigger kids" (5th and 6th grade) Leighton being the oldest at her school, and Hayden being in 1st grade...wow! I only have Ashlyn home with me during the school days. Cohen did great his first day, but soon realized this school thing is not all that it's cracked up to be, he's had a few hard days, with some tears, but were working through it. it's been hard on me wondering what i should do, but i'm pressing on, knowing that the other kids did just fine, and most kids don't go to high school crying every morning wanting there mama's (tho in high school it might be nice knowing the the kids still wanted me)

my kids on the first day of school, i worn you though we were a little unorganized this year, we didn't even have time for new school outfits, but i think they still look great!

with the kids off to school I had one on one time with Ashlyn we played together, just us, we went outside and pretended, she was "sunny" she said her name was, and her house was a tree, we collected food to eat and I listened to how she wanted me to make believe with her, it's amazing how much this girl can really talk, how much she had to say, with out the other kids interrupting every day, it makes me wish I could have a day with each of my kids by themselves, it makes me realize how important these one on one days are, and how to set more time aside for each kid.

catch up time, my life

I haven't posted in a really long time, craziness has taken over my house since school has begun, but I wanted to change some things about my blog, I feel I don't always post because I always feel I have to write exactly whats on my heart.. or something inspirational, or something that I've learned or changed about my life, but I want to open you all up to my life, the real life moments, the daily news, and at times the words that are deep inside my heart, the person that I am day in and day out, with all lifes greatest joys, from the littlest thing that made my heart smile, to the bigger learning experiences of being a mom, so just me!

I'm going to start just by sharing a few of my pictures over the summer that have been my favorite and go from there, I love taking pictures if your reading this you already know that it's my life, it's my job, it's capturing everything i love. so instead of just words, i will share the details, they way I love too, the way I am.

here's some of my favorite picture! Brennan is getting so big, and Hayden has mastered the pouting look!

My kids love to color and draw, they will all sit at the table and spend time helping each other make the most out of their art work

Leighton and Ashlyn have become quit the little buddies over the summer now that Ashlyn can keep up with Leightons make believe world! I took these pictures of the two of them, they were my test dummies for some new props possibly added to some of my work

I think they turned out pretty cute!

Ashlyn will dress up in almost anything! and on the hottest day of the summer she decided to break out the winter clothes, she always is good for a little entertainment

Cohen is getting so big off to school now, I'm sure I will have many stories from his kindergarten adventures

being out side was and riding bikes was one of the kids favorite things to do in the summer, I have so many great pictures to share, I don't even know where to begin I could make a whole other blog just for these called summertime, so I'll just share a few, start my new blog fresh from today... if you want to see more of the photo's you can go to my flickr page I will be uploading many more...

http://www.flickr.com/

Welcome to my life, it's open for sharing! sometimes it may be just about the kids, sometimes it may be about the stories with in my heart, it's about the many titles I call myself, the many different songs with in my heart...My life.