how to get your kids to behave...

people ask me all the time, how my kids are so well behaved, we'll it helpes to have good reading material...





and when they aren't behaving, boot camp begins.

my perfectly two digit 10 year old.

I can not believe i have a child who is 10! It just doesn't seem right. 10 years! two digits now. I love love love this boy. i had no idea how much i could love until this day 10 years ago. a love that doesn't take effort it's just there from the moment, a + sign showed up on that test, till the time I heard you cry, till i saw your sweet little face, and saw those curious eyes to this new world you had entered. You were our world. just mommy, daddy, and you. it was a perfect little family. you were always a perfect baby, a fun toddler, and a sweet young boy. you started our perfect family, and have kept it that way since 4 others have entered. i know it's not just you, i know you deserve more time, but you never complain, happy with what you have, only knowing. i'm not ready for these double digits, as you grow, it's hard to realize that in just a few short years, i'll have a teenager, 10 has hit me hard, a realization that my kids will grow, under 10 it still feels like i will always be in control, of your life, your decisions, who you play with, where you go, even what you eat. but i know it's the time in your life to allow more independence, to allow more responsibities. to let you learn from real mistakes, and this isn't going to be easy. in the next years it's going to be what we've taught you put into actions, allowing you to hurt, and have joys. molding you into the man you are going to become. we haven't released you yet, for this is way to early, but we will have to let a string go, just maybe one, to the many that will come. but i know that you are about to enter into the time, when you become what you are going to be the rest of your life, the decisions that will effect the rest of your life. I just pray, we make you proud, that we let you go, but hold on tight. I am so proud to be your mom, God has given us a perfectly treasured gift in you. I love you more then you can ever know, I haved loved these last 10years, and can't wait for the next 10, but wish i could hold on to this age forever, perfect double digits 10 when i can fully say your mine, that you still need me, you still love everything about me, where i still make your life better. where i'm the only girl that has your sweet little God filled heart. i love you!

the old them.

Brennan's birthday is in 4 days, and what consumes me about this, is my parents. Will i add another check mark to them hurting me by completely forgetting or will i see an obligation they must fulfill. I don't know which one hurts more. I know it's not their child, and i try to convinse myself that it's fine , after all i did it with out my grandparents being in the picture, but then i look at Brennan's face, and wonder how they could not want a real relationship with this amazing boy. How they don't miss us, or me? How they can live their lives not wondering, or caring about these beautiful kids, God has given me. How do i explain to my kids, again, that they are just busy, when my kids miss their Mi Mi and Pa Pa. I miss them, the old them.

my eyes.

Believe it or not, you can see each of my kids personalities in the above picture. i was just staring at it, and thought how weird i can tell all of this, from behind. i guess only a mother would really know this, and how grateful i am to be called that.

I was getting down on myself, for so many reason's about being a mom, i'm kinda hard on myself, here's how hard. i never dream about my kids, once in a while i will. those rare scary dreams that you can't find your kid, or they fell into the murky river. (i'm not saying this is normal) but i thought i hadn't thought about them enough that is why i didn't dreamt of them.

I really think something more is going on with me, i get discouraged about the littlest things, my faith can be shaken so easily, and i doubt like never before. it's not a good thing, it's a real thing. I get down on myself and it's hard to pick back up again.

I guess somethings about ready to change, and it's going to go one way or the other. or maybe to the next level, which would be great...since i feel i've been stuck here for a long time. i guess i'm just a little scared because i want to stop with the circle's.

o.k. now that i got off track a little bit, i'll bring myself back, to the picture, with all that doubt, with all those feelings, today I realized this all is not true, the lies about myself. Not dreaming about your children does not make you a bad mother! it was like i saw the truth in that picture. I saw what i know.

I see my husband, carring our bags, leading our family. holding the hand of those who need the help right now at this moment. then there is Brennan, independent, but careful. i love his arm back like that, it's a bit of waryness they he seems to always have. Leighton is determined in her walk, yet there something soft and sweet. Hayden is off back a little bit, from the group. Doing things his own way, and being his own little guy. Oh Cohen, look at you, i see your goofiness in your walk and the way you turned. even in his walk he's full of character. then ashlyn, holding daddy's hands still a little unsure of new things, but yet so interested. consintrating on the things around you.

I know who i am! I know that i don't have the answers, but i know being a mom, I know my kids, i'm not going to let stupid stuff get me down, or be so hard on myself, and find excuses to fail. i know who i am!

simple. perfect.

Simple, is all i need. just a hug in the morning. a kiss at night from the perfect someone. a giggle that can make my eyes water on command. a tiny voice that say's "give me tiss" (two year old kiss), a kids joke that makes no sense, but they laugh uncontrollably. a new discovery found only footprints away. a "watch this mommy" a hundred times a day. an i love you babe. is what my perfect simple life is, and i love it. And if I haven't seen You in it, if I can't heard You in it, i'm sorry. Because all that i am, and all that I have are because of You, and all that You do, and have done, to make this perfect simple life i live.

Thank You.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
Dr. Seuss

I stumbled upon this quote today, and i loved it. i love how many hidden meanings can be in one quote. how much truth is spoken in such simple words. how things can be hard to let go, or how we want times back. and sometimes we as people get caught up in those moments, that sadness comes because there over, instead of happiness and joy because they happened. how blessed and lucky we are to have gotten to experience, such moments, that our inner most beings crave to have them back. that's the good life, to smile because it happened!

please pray.

here is where my heart is right now. with him, and his poor skin. i don't know what else to do, i've been doing all that i can, all that i'm suppose to. so i'm here today, asking please pray, if you know me then you know, this isn't easy to watch. if you don't, if you happen to stumble across this, i'm hoping for a reason, so you too, can pray. ask others to pray, i'm believing the time is coming for Cohen to get better. please take this time, to utter Cohen's name, to the Healer, the Comforter, to God. these pics will just be a reminder, of this time, because this will no longer have a hold on my son, i'm believing for this to be broken, please believe with me. These days of Cohen sitting around, scratching and tearing his skin up, not playing because he can't walk, not swimming like a normal kid because it burns, are going to be behind us. please stand with me, in prayer, and believing this is no longer a part of his life. please ask others to pray too.